Would appreciate any thoughts or insight on dealing with the stress of this event, or how others have felt attending a wedding in the aftermath of infidelity. Thanks in advance for your thougthful comments.
I am not sure about your situation, but if your WS is supportive, maybe you can discuss a few things that might help you get over the hump? Mabye a plan/story if things get to be too much? Physical gestures or code phrases? I know I have found comfort in knowing I have a plan, even if I don't need to use it.
Sadly, I have also started "zoning out" at times when the conversation becomes too much (like all the love talk at a wedding might be). Maybe not the best coping, but I think I would rather appear to be a spacey than have some type of public meltdown! I think of random goofy things to keep to emotions at bay - a show, the kids, pets, whatever came to mind that was lighthearted. So far, rather than trying to get through a whole night or event, I have focused on each aspect.... the cocktail hour, the dinner, etc. - smaller chucks of time don't seem so hard.
I am not sure if any of this helps. Others may have better thoughts. Good luck!
As for the reception, I plan on having WH dance with me, which he never does. It will be a big demonstration to me that he cares a lot and will do the little things that make me happy- and are actually big things. Also, I'm banking on an open bar for when I feel like taking a less healthy approach to the situation.
Can you talk to your WW about your feelings? Maybe ask her to really be physically and emotionally present for you. If you can gear her to be in tune with your reactions, she can hopefully show you that you are a team and can get through it together. It can actually be a great way to build your R up, if she is willing to give you her all.
Me: BW 35
Crazz: WH 33
Daughter: 4.5 Going on 16
I think part of my concern is that these are all good friends of hers from the past, but not folks that I know well. Thus, if I'm left to dwell on my own thoughts things could go sour. So I plan to make sure that she is checking on me regularly.
I was also surprised about how anxious I am getting as we get ready to leave.
All I can say is that no matter how bad things seem there are things to be thankful for. Maybe now you can at least be glad your WW didn't meet the AP at a wedding! My other advice, all night, anytime things start to bother you, promise yourself you can think about it all you want...tomorrow. Meanwhile, do the chicken dance and the macarena and give yourself permission to enjoy yourself for just one night, and if you don't know these people all that well, then they don't know you all that well either, so your don't have to worry for a second that someone will think that you are "not acting yourself"
It might be a great chance for WW to step up and support you, and a great chance for you two to have fun and take a little vacation from the pressure. Wishing you lots of luck!
The wedding weekend was therefore extremely tense. My son gave away his aunt in place of his deceased dad and my other son was an usher and I read one of the readings in the church service. It was very emotional partly anyway partly because of the role my sons were playing in making their aunt's day special for her. It was hell for me, but what got me through was the need to focus on my SIL, to make her special day special for her. This is her first marriage (first and only serious relationship really) at the age of 54. Her parents were dead, her brother was dead and were all missed greatly. We had the responsibility to make the day work for her. It is really really hard, but I had to set aside my own issues.
It was not as bad as I had anticipated. It was emotional, but weddings always are. I was so proud on my sons and even my WS was fantastic on the day in spite of everything. He and I and my sons kept the floor dancing all night and he acted as a perfect husband, whilst mindful of not to stand in the place of my first husband.
One of the reasons really why I am still determined to work at R. In spite of all that was going on between us that weekend, was that he presented a solid front with me as a team, supported me and my sons.
Tips for you from all this is a) try to focus on the couple getting married and make it their special day.b) talk to WS before and agree what they are going to do on the day to make you feel safe (keep close, support, ask how you are discretely, don't drink too much) c) try not to think back to your wedding day and compare. All weddings and relationships are different. The couple will need support all through their marriage from friends of the marriage and you will be there to do that at the start. That is a privilege. Think of giving them silently what perhaps we haven't received over the years from people who were not friends of our marriages. D) allow yourself to cry. Weddings are one place you can do this and no one will wonder why. E) don't burden others with your story. Hard I know, buts it's not your day, it's the couples.
Hope this helps. Will be thinking of you. It's tough