Hi! I'm new to this forum but after reading many posts on here I will fit right in so here's my story of my wonderful marriage........
My wife and I have been married 9 years this year. We have a 3 year old also.
My wife cheated on me with one of "her guy friends" about 5 years ago. We or at least I thought we had worked through all of that within about a 1 yr to 2yrs after that (hence the child).
Well things were all or at least seemed good to me even after having our son. We had sex regularly and I was satisfied for about 1.5yrs
Well the sex got to be less and less frequent and now it is completely non-existent. (Going on 2.5yrs) There is always some excuse, tired, sick, etc......
Well since then it seems that everyday she further and further away from me emotionally and now physically as well. We hardly ever do anything together. We don't fight or anything and never have.
Well I have recently found out that the dude she cheated on me is still around and they have been "talking." In fact his wife called me at work and said that she had found pics, txts, ect in his phone. His wife also said that they were still going to counseling and that she didn't know what they were going to do now. (That was last fall)
I don't know for how long they've been "talking" again but considering we haven't had sex in 2.5yrs I would say then for 2.5yrs.
She's changed totally. She isn't even the same person that I married. We used to go to church all the time and if I ever mentioned skipping one Sunday, she wouldn't hear of it and would fuss at me. Well now we haven't been in over a month.
She is sooooooo distant. We are almost just like roommates.
I'm pretty sure that it's because of this guy, but have no proof that they have been having sex this time around, but sometimes I just don't think it's worth it even worrying with this relationship. I am committed and took my vows seriously. I have never cheated or even stepped out. But with 2.5 yrs of no sex and living with someone who doesn't seem to be emotionally attached it's becoming really hard on me day by day. In fact I work out regularly and have started to feel better about my self esteem and confidence; and I find that when a woman talks to me now at the gym that instead of being distant and hidden, I'm more out going and talkative (almost to the point that I'm trying to hit on them).....In fact I even txt one for a couple of months regularly until I decided that I was in the wrong by doing so and then stopped.
THat's not me at all. Like I said I am a faithful Christian husband and would've never in the past considered something like "revenge sex"; but that's what crosses my mind now.
I am still true to my word and to this day still behaving, but my wife doesn't even want to talk about our situation.
She says "I'm bothering her" or "I'm smothering her"...I've even invited her to the gym and tried to take her on dates etc. but nothing. In fact she said she didn't want to go to "my gym because of all of my girlfriends up there"
I'm like; really?
All she does is carry her phone around with her with a password that I don't know and she's on it 24/7. It even goes in the shower with her, probably just so I won't get it.
I moved out for 3 nights to see if that would rattle her, but of course it didn't. I moved back home because I was missing my child too much.
And that another thing. I could never cheat on her because our child's face would be in the back of my mind the whole time. I would never do anything to hurt him.
So.....I don't know what to do.....I feel that if I get a divorce then I'm running out on our marriage and our child. But, if I stay then I'm emotionally drained. Somedays I'm up...somedays I'm down....
I have an anxiety problem anyways and this up and down of this "wonderful" marriage is about to kill me. I have panic attacks and then feel all alone. I feel as if there is a hole in my chest from one side to the other....It's just like she's not in her body anymore around me....
And she keeps digging and looking for things to blame her actions on me....
I really think that if she would wake up and snap outta this sinful non-productive life that she is in that she would realize that what she's messing up. I am still committed (or stupid, idk) and still love her and would be willing to work on this together, but right now I'm all alone, except for our child.
It just breaks my heart for our child that we can't even enjoy his childhood to the fullest dealing with this crap.
Any advise would be greatly appreciated as I'm just confused on what needs to be my next step....