Doug - I don't know your whole story, but I have have been where you are. I waited too long to hit bottom, and figure my shit out.
My suggestion is, stop this kind of thinking;
I do have selfish reasons.
It will make everything from this point on much easier, whatever happens.
You say you want her to feel safe, what are you doing to make her feel safe?
done out of spite and just to get her off of my back
Is not going to help.
What are you doing to make you a safe person?
Me: fWH/BH 46
Separated transitioning to D