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HarveyW posted 6/19/2014 08:42 AM

Here I am again. Things still seem fine, however, I have discovered (through my spy tactics) that wife may still be useing friend to keep up with him. I don't think they're communicating directly, but there's something. I could be wrong.
My question is if I should I ask her friend's husband to look into it for me? I do know his wife (my wife's friend) is up to some online bullshit too. He will most likely find that too. I have already alerted him anonymously and it did get him to confront her. Didn't stop her though.
Should I put him in that position?
Thoughts.

Badhurt posted 6/19/2014 08:45 AM

i say the more spying eyes the safer you two guys are. If he confronted her and she did not stop it, he will either confront her again or he will tell you he has decided to live with it.

If you think she is up to something, until proven different trust your gut.

increase your spying with all tools available if possible. If she is the cheater, she has absolutely no rights to privacy or secrecy

norabird posted 6/19/2014 12:42 PM

How close are you to the friend's husband? I worry that he might not be open to this.

Also, if you can't trust your wife, all the outside checks i the world won't help that. I know you're just trying to figure out the actual lay of the land and you do deserve to know. But maybe trust your gut and try to talk to your WW about this. Her reaction may tell you what you need to know.

(((Harvey)))

houseofpain posted 6/19/2014 14:33 PM

I think it would probably be okay to ask as long as you let him know that if he is not comfortable with your request, you understand.

But more importantly, I think that you should trust your gut and just ask her and watch how she responds. I wasted so much time trying to figure out what my WS was doing every time I got a bad feeling, and now I regret it. I think we all know to some extent what our spouses are capable of, even though it's tough to admit. And I think if she is truly remorseful, she will understand why you don't trust her yet.

yearsofpain25 posted 6/19/2014 14:39 PM

Yep^^^^ What houseofpain just said. Trust your gut. First I would talk to friend for a second set of eyes and see if he's open.

More importantly talk to your wife and gauge her response. Ultimately she's going to do what she's going to do. She's the one that needs to rebuild that trust with you.

toomanyregrets posted 6/19/2014 15:23 PM

Put yourself in your friends postion.
You'd have a right to know what was happening in you marriage.
If he's really your friend, tell him.

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