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betrayal

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dana47 posted 6/19/2014 13:17 PM

I've betrayed my BH in such a terrible way. I don't know where to begin gaining his trust back. Last night we had amazing communication and enjoyed each other's company. It felt so amazing to be with him and talk with him about anything and everything.
On an angry note...
When I broke things off with AP he told me he was angry I betrayed him. I thought to myself "how do you think your wife feels?!" Ugh. He is so clueless. (Sorry for the vent)

FlawedBroken posted 6/19/2014 16:19 PM

I've betrayed my BH in such a terrible way. I don't know where to begin gaining his trust back. Last night we had amazing communication and enjoyed each other's company. It felt so amazing to be with him and talk with him about anything and everything.
On an angry note...
When I broke things off with AP he told me he was angry I betrayed him. I thought to myself "how do you think your wife feels?!" Ugh. He is so clueless. (Sorry for the vent)

This is something that I have struggled with off and on throughout this whole shitty deal. We're only 3.5 months out from DDay, but this is what I've learned... And I still struggle with some of these things.

Be completely transparent and honest. Tell your BH everything. Answer any questions, however uncomfortable you may be. Don't be defensive. Treat him with care and respect... He's DEVASTATED and must be treated as such. Remember that YOU did this to HIM and it's up to you to help him heal. Reassure him of your remorse, apologize often, and make sure that he knows that this isn't ever going to happen again. Get into IC and work out your issues. Figure out what allowed you to feel like you deserved to have an A and address those issues.

Most importantly, ask HIM what you can do to begin regaining his trust. Understand that it's going to take a LONG time to even begin to build ANY trust. Then, for a while, any time you screw up, even a TINY screw up, that small seed of trust dies and you have to start at 0 again.

Good luck. It's a long, hard road... But if you AND your BH both work hard, you CAN make it work.

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