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7 years ago today

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WhereIsHome posted 6/19/2014 21:16 PM

I held my lifeless daughter in my arms. Now I am dealing with my wife's reckless choices. I know my family has their physical health and I am grateful for that but damn things have been rough go in the past several years. After my first daughter was stillborn we were blessed with a beautiful little girl, I thought we were back on track when I moved the three of us out to a nice suburb. Life was good? Little did I know my life was not what it seemed. Is my wife completely broken because of the guilt she carries with the thought she was the reason for our first daughters demise or is she just completely and utterly selfish. Wish things were black and white but I am sure it is combination of both.

A part of me wishes my wife would have just had an affair with an awesome person and she would have run off with him and lived happily ever after. Instead both men were complete losers and now she is back with me lost and confused. Most all my questions are replied with I don't know.

Still between R & D in an in house separation to try not to impact my kindergartner so life is pretty miserable. I have been trying to 180 but she still isn't opening up. I wish I knew 100% what I want, thinking divorce 90% but a decision this important feel like I need to be 100% certain.

kiki1 posted 6/19/2014 21:23 PM


i'm so sorry. what a painful day for you.

i have no wise words for you, but wanted to let you know you've been heard.

hugs to you,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Didact posted 6/19/2014 22:00 PM

I understand fully the idea of envying the certainty that WW leaving you would bring. There have been a few times I've checked up on WW with the "half" hope that I find her with AP, so that life becomes simple after that.

The truth is, confusing love is likely better than clear indifference.

bent44 posted 6/19/2014 23:22 PM

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter.

One thing helped as I wrestled with the D question.

Did I feel that, when DD7 grew up, I could honestly sit across from her at the table and say, " I did everything I could to save the marriage, and it did not work out".

If I could answer yes, I was free to leave.

Looking at it this way somehow helped me divorce myself from present pain and confusion. It is only one part of the equation, and there is certainly lots more to it than this question, but perhaps something to bounce around.

[This message edited by bent44 at 11:23 PM, June 19th (Thursday)]

Stillnotoverit posted 6/21/2014 20:43 PM

So so sorry for your loss. Let her go. Your leaning there already. I'm do horrified you are in this position. No one should lose a child. Bit yes let her go it's toxic. Start healing you.

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