I know that you're hurting, but you're dealing with a wife that gives you no respect. You can't reconcile without that. Don't even bother contacting her either. Just have the papers ready when she gets back. Then tell her it would be better if she moved out. Since she has no problem betraying you and lying to you, it would be best if she moved on.
You need to do this for YOU. But the added benefit is that it may shock her into reality. If it doesn't you haven't lost much.
Please! don't beg and whine. that always fails. People respect people who respect themselves. In particular, wayward wives do not respect weak, indecisive, begging husbands. They see it as pathetic. So please, do not set yourself up for that.
You gave dealbreakers, she obviously didn't care about them. Back your words up with actions. I really believe that's the only way they will learn to respect you.
Once she respects you, you may have a chance at saving your marriage. But I also think that you should really consider whether you want her anymore.
best of luck
Your WW had/has shown you she is capable of great deception.
This is a common mistake BS's make on dday, and afterwards. This is your wife. You want to believe her. After all..you *know* her so well,right? Except she had just shown you you don't know her as well as you thought.
You told her it was a dealbreaker. Follow through. She might pull her head out of her ass and find remorse. She might not. Either way, you're better off than you are now.
Also, at the very least this has been an EA since dday. The calls, the texts, the confiding. This is more than broken NC. This is an EA.
She wasn't going to tell you about his calling her...she had a week to do so.
And threatening the OM with harassment is a baseless accusation. She isn't being harassed. She is welcoming contact, and making contact all on her own. The police won't do anything about it...she is an adult..and she is choosing contact. Over your marriage. And THAT, my friend, is all the reason you need to file for D.
Im so sorry.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
What's SHE doing?
She is openly disrespecting you, gaming you, and continuing to lie. You know what to do, now lets get the ball rolling.
The cruel, the unkind, those without honor, feast on the tender heart...
Oh gee, now you want me back honey? Super, smashing..... fffffuuuu$$$$$$****** you!!!!!
Infuriating to say the least.
that she needed "someone who understood what she was going through.
It is nothing more than more of the same. Someone who will tell them exactly what they want to hear. And that is that they did nothing wrong.
The WS really hates to hear the wrongs they did do and the hurt they caused. Which is odd, since they knew it was hurt their spouse anyway. Then they hate to hear about it.
Amazing she never thought you would look at the phone bill.
Make sure now she doesnt find more secretive ways of contacting this OM. Like a burner phone, etc.
There is a temptation to immediately forgive when a WS gives you a crumb of recognition and remorse. Don't take it. Don't reengage until you get everything you need. Otherwise she will immediately go back to what she was doing. She gave you a pat on the head, you're now back in line, and she will go back to doing exactly what she was before.
Don't let up until she is snot-blubbering, crying, mascara running, begging for forgiveness. And, most importantly, ready to go NC, and give you full transparency. Anything short of that is just more games.