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My history is in my profile but to summarize: WH is/was a serial cheater throughout our entire marriage. He supposedly hit rock bottom in August 2011 and since then there have been some minor "things" that have raised some flags but nothing concrete. He continues to maintain that he's completely changed, etc., went to IC for 18 months and now claims he's completely fine and no longer needs therapy. Thats the gist. It's been nearly 3 years and I still don't trust him.

Fast forward to 2 nights ago. I wake up in the morning to find 2 strange texts on my phone. The first was from WH at 12;10 am. It simply said "Yo." I had gone to bed maybe 15 minutes earlier and he was still downstairs watching baseball. The second text came thru 10 minutes later from a # I didn't recognize. It was clearly part of a longer thread of messages. It basically said: "I didn't need to do anything! My phone did it on its own! I guess you Jews really do rule the world."

At first I was like, huh? I guess the text was a mistake from a wrong #. Although...WH is Jewish so maybe I accidentally got a text from one of his guy friends who are notoriously rude to each other? Odd. I was going to ask WH about it in the morning but...I held back and decided to research a little on my own after he went to work.

It didn't take me long to figure out that the 2nd text came from his last OW. The one that supposedly went away in August 2011. Yeah, I guess not. I'm not sure how she managed to text me. I'm assuming she meant to reply to WH and got me instead. WH and I have the same first and last initials so we'd be next to each other in a contact list. OW has my cell # because she tortured me via text when WH broke it off with her in 8/11. I'm also assuming his "Yo" text that came thru 10 minutes before hers was sent because he wanted to gauge whether or not I was awake and could possibly come downstairs to see him texting her.

So...it's not looking good. But...I decided to see what would happen if I told WH about both texts. First he said he didn't remember sending the Yo text to me at all... Ok, whatever. Then, I texted him a screenshot of OW's text. I know he would immediately recognize the phone # so he had a small chance to redeem himself. Nope. He lied. Said it was obviously a mistake and I should delete it immediately in case it was a scam. Oh, it was a scam all right... I deleted the text from her (not until I emailed the screenshot to myself) but left the screenshot in my photos on my phone. Purposely.

When WH got home he immediately grabbed my phone. I said "oh, I already deleted that text like you told me." He said "good, there are a ton of scams out there." I agreed and he put my phone down. When I later looked at it I noticed that WH had gone into my photos and deleted the screenshot of OW's text from my photos. He had also gone into the message thread between him and me and deleted the screenshot from there. All evidence gone. So he thinks...

My thought is that he still has something going on with this OW. Otherwise, he would't have lied about who it was. The fact that he texted me himself 10 minutes before she did is a huge red flag too.

Please tell me I'm not being super paranoid and this is as bad as it looks....

This guy is SUCH a jackass. A lying, serial cheating, manipulative, disrespecting, controlling, emotionally abusive jackass. How repulsive to send a moronic text with "yo!" in it like you're one of his poker buddies, just to find out if you're awake or not. Despicable.

You do know that this is pretty much how your life is always going to be as long as you're with him, don't you?

I hope one day you realize you deserve a hell of a lot better.

Aurora

Were you able to check his contacts list?

to match the number that came on your phone?

This does seem odd and i dont believe in concidences.

I'm sorry your feeling this today.

hugs,,,,,,,,,,

Sweetheart.....you deserve better.

{{{{{hugs}}}}

k9

I think this is much, much worse than it looks.

Deleting the stuff from your phone is reason enough to get a divorce under these circumstances.

I'm sorry.

Please tell me I'm not being super paranoid and this is as bad as it looks....

First of all, paranoids worry about imaginary things. Your husband has cheated on you the entire time you were married. That's not imaginary and it is impossible for you to be paranoid about him cheating.

Second--yes. 99.9% chance he's cheating on you.

Sorry.

I think that you know exactly what is happening. (((hugs)))

"There are a ton of scams out there." HaHa. He thinks he's slick doesn't he. When he is sleeping, download a voice recorder app on his phone. I had one on my android that automatically recorded all of my outgoing & incoming calls. Then the next time you get access to his phone go back and listen. Otherwise buy a voice recorder @ WalMart or BestBuy & hide it in his car. If you find out he is still cheating, put your bitch boots on, 180 him, get your ducks in a row & contact a lawyer. In my personal experience with serial cheaters & witnessing best friends and family who haved dealt with serial cheaters as well...in my honest opinion...they don't change.

WH finally came clean. 2 days later. He says the text from OW was a mistake and he lied to protect me because this particular AP brings back bad memories. He swears he hasn't spoken to her in 3 years. Ummmmm all of his OW (and there are many) bring back bad memories but I guess that's beside the point. WH is very good at gas lighting and making me feel kinda crazy. He won't back down and insists that he's not in contact with anyone and has remained faithful. What to believe... Regardless, this text has brought back horrible flashbacks and has sent my anxiety through the roof. WH says he's just as traumatized from this "out of the blue" contact. Really? Don't my feelings take precedence here?

He does this because... HE CAN

There are no consequences.

Why? Why do you stay?

He didn't come clean hun. He just came up with a different story for you to believe. Don't.

Insist on a polygraph and follow through with it.

Check your phone bill. If he has been texting her at that number, from the same phone that texted you, you will see the history. If you don't have access to his phone records, then that tells a different story. Ask for them, if he refuses you know they are still in A.

You want to believe him, but hon keep investigating. What does your gut tell you?

[This message edited by momentintime at 2:06 PM, June 24th (Tuesday)]

I don't know your story other than what you post here but this is enough to get out. You don't even need to know the real story (which likely is exactly as it seems--you are not being paranoid) what he did before and after the text is enough to know you have a dud who will not/cannot be faithful and truthful.

My husband was a serial cheater for 18 of the 28 years we've been married. I know how badly you want to believe his story. It's not true. Those stories are never true. She's back. In some capacity, not sure what, but she's back. Hopefully he was just testing the waters or maybe he had a weak moment & wanted to see what she's up to...but not likely.

Trust your gut !! You know.

He's lying. His explanation sounds like a child's.

Be strong - fight for YOU.

He's thinking he's fooled you. Don't let him.

He didn't come clean. He came up with a lame ass excuse.

So so sorry for you.