Please help. I have read all your advice, trying to sink it into my brain. I have phoned up the nearest CoDa group and plan to go there Monday. But my WS continues to astonish. He said he will not make a phone call to RESPECT,as he had promised, it would do no good. He says he's got to make the changes on his own. I said but it would do ME good for him to phone,help me feel safe with him,that he is serious about changing. He still said no. I am so hurt.
I did tell him if he doesnot phone and go on a programme, I cannot stay with him. He still won't do it. He then gently says he loves me and kisses me tenderly on the cheek.
Do you know how that rips me apart inside? At that point I just began to weep. He saw me weep. Did I give him more control when I wept in front of him?
I told him that I think he will not phone is because he is afraid of what they will say about him(he's a shit, he's insane, for example.) He says that is true.He says only he can change himself, not me, not anybody else. I said yes, that is true, but I ask him to do this for me.
When I get closer to pulling the plug on this relationship, so many pictures flood my brain of him happy with another woman, all I gave and did for him his using on another. His smiling horrible children happy he is 'over' me. My dreams of camping together, see the country together,his happiness when I am with him, all gone to another. And then I can't pull the plug. I guess it is intense jealousy thinking of him happy with another. I have never felt anything like this before.
One phone call he will not make. He says he could lie and just say he did it, but at least he is being truthful. He says it is control when I ask him to make the phone call. I call it caring for me and caring for the relationship.
I told him to stop doing work on my property. I don't want him to if he won't do this. He said he is still going to do work on my property, even when I ask him no.
Affairs are like relationship cancer. If there is 99% proof your loved one will die of the cancer, you still hold on to that 1% that says maybe no. During his affair, I held onto that 1% he wasn't having one, despite the 99% evidence otherwise. It is like that now for me. I and clutching onto that 1% hope we still could survive.
Why won't he make this one phone call for help? He says it is because he is scared. Am I being unreasonable? Am I being a controlling jerk?
How can I stop the pictures of him happy with another woman on the broken back of all I did for him and gave him.