Sorry you're hurting, steppingup. Trying to reconcile with a remorseless ws is like trying to bail out a boat with someone else drilling holes through its hull. There's not a prayer of success.
The pain can and does fade away to nothingness when remorse is present and the fws steps up and takes an active and enduring role in the bs's healing (& that of the marriage). I know of so many successfully R'd couples who all started out at the same devastating starting line: DDay.
Figuring out your boundaries and holding firm to them helps YOU navigate R in a way that's healthy for your long-term happiness.
Some people never change; other people change short-term; still others make changes that stick. Commitment to change and to the work that is required to make it last seem to be the chief delineating factors. When a WS fails to exhibit these, it seems repeat heartache is inevitable. It sounds like you've determined that your WS falls into the 'never change' category...in such circumstances, it's wise to move on.
Best of luck to you.
[This message edited by sad12008 at 8:51 AM, June 21st (Saturday)]