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steppingup (original poster member #42650) posted at 11:26 PM on Friday, June 20th, 2014
No, it never stops, the pain. The reoccuring madness that you endure when someone that you love treats you like crap. Nope, never. I'm sorry to say this but reconsile is next to impossible, selfish bastards, only thinking of their narcisist ways, ego pumping, feelings and sex while you (me) endure to provide for the family and care for children...while they are texting, calling and screwing behind our backs. I used to be the guy that thought that all could be healed. Well, three affairs later, it never stops...never. The pain wont and unless you are into cockhold nonsense this will mean only agony and remorse. God Bless you all there is hope on the other side. As the bible says, "God will judge those in adultry". If you want more support check out chumplady.com. Later.
sad12008 ( member #18179) posted at 2:50 PM on Saturday, June 21st, 2014
Sorry you're hurting, steppingup. Trying to reconcile with a remorseless ws is like trying to bail out a boat with someone else drilling holes through its hull. There's not a prayer of success.
The pain can and does fade away to nothingness when remorse is present and the fws steps up and takes an active and enduring role in the bs's healing (& that of the marriage). I know of so many successfully R'd couples who all started out at the same devastating starting line: DDay.
Figuring out your boundaries and holding firm to them helps YOU navigate R in a way that's healthy for your long-term happiness.
Some people never change; other people change short-term; still others make changes that stick. Commitment to change and to the work that is required to make it last seem to be the chief delineating factors. When a WS fails to exhibit these, it seems repeat heartache is inevitable. It sounds like you've determined that your WS falls into the 'never change' category...in such circumstances, it's wise to move on.
Best of luck to you.
[This message edited by sad12008 at 8:51 AM, June 21st (Saturday)]
You can't fill a cup with no bottom.
Skan ( member #35812) posted at 7:56 PM on Saturday, June 21st, 2014
Steppingup, it's OK to say, ENOUGH! It really is. You can simply decide that you're through. That enough is enough, and file for divorce. You can decide that you are going to concentrate on your healing and living a life that is not filled with drama and cheating, and simply say no to the marriage. You have the power to do that. And more, you have the RIGHT to do that.
Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
doggiediva ( member #33806) posted at 9:58 PM on Saturday, June 21st, 2014
Even if you are in the same house you can say enough is enough..
No sex with them, no providing for them, etc...NC as much as possible...
I may be lucky but I have been able to do in-house separation without much drama..for the last year or so...
But I still want out of this situation..I dream of it
I don't think a person gets peace unless and until the un remorseful cheater is gone from his/her immediate life...
Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite
63 years young..
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