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About to give birth... all alone?

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BreatheAgain10 posted 6/20/2014 19:14 PM

Today I'm almost weeks 40 pregnant, due on Wednesday. fWH and I have had a better marriage for the last few years- not without its setbacks at times, but we've worked thru so much that when things finally got stable and happy last year, we decided that having a baby now would be good bc we were in a good place.
We were pregnant in October and things were mostly fine until these last couple months- mostly April (DDay #2 AND #4 antiversaries). I triggered more than I had in a long while and my fWH wasn't all that comforting at first (he thought I was "over it" by now but eventually acted like he finally "got it" and helped me thru the rough time).
Fast forward to this June. Things are great as we prepared for our third child to arrive in our arms. We were both growing more and more excited.
Of course, finances are becoming an issue as I have not worked these last months of pregnancy yet we're spending MORE money on baby stuff and furniture. So it's been a bit more stressful.
Last night and this afternoon, we had a couple ugly arguments. I tried just detaching so that I don't cause unnecessary stress on my unborn baby and/or go into labor in a stressful/hurt/angry state. But he insisted on showing his anger.
The way things were left, I am worn out from his mean emotionally abusive words from last night and negative attitude these last few days and I'm not wanting that kind of drama around me in the delivery room while I'm in labor. I'm angry, hurt, scared that he couldn't just be comforting as I unexpectedly triggered last night. His harsh words have hurt and angered me so much right now that if I go into labor right now, I don't want him anywhere near me. I want peace as I labor my new baby into this world...
But I'm terribly sad that I may have to do this alone if we don't resolve this before labor begins.
I don't know what to do. He's so inconsistent lately and I can't fucking deal with his up and down mood swings.
You'd think he'd put me and our unborn baby first, at least until I'm not in such a scared/anxious situation.
I just need some comfort. Why can he be ok with letting me cry for hours on end and not put his bad mood aside (today he's upset about his significantly shortened paycheck) to be here for me?

[This message edited by BreatheAgain10 at 7:19 PM, June 20th (Friday)]

freelancer posted 6/20/2014 19:42 PM

I can't offer much in the way of advice. I am actually in the exact same boat as you. I am due on Tuesday and the midwives are actually beyond surprised I haven't delivered yet. I honestly think my body/mind can't relax enough to even go into labor. I haven't even been able to settle on a name for this baby, I think I am still in denial that a baby will soon be here.

Sorry for that tangent. All of that to say I am sorry you too are going through this. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. *hugs*

OakStreet posted 6/20/2014 19:47 PM


I am so sorry that you are going through such a great moment of your life in a sad period in your life.

NUMERO UNO: You and your baby!

No specific advice since I don't know each of your situations.

My thoughts are with you and wishing you an easy delivery!

katiescarlett posted 6/20/2014 19:51 PM

Have you considered a doula or a family member if it's not resolved soon?
I'm sorry. I hope it works out for you.

BreatheAgain10 posted 6/20/2014 21:50 PM

Thank you freelance, OakStreet, and katiescarlett.
Freelance, I was in early labor last week airway dilated and after last wknd, everything ceased! I actually managed to be happy and relaxed enough to slow down/stop labor maybe? I was very happy, that is until last night when the H and I have been in a back and forth arguing rut that's continued all day and is STILL going on no matter how much I try to avoid him. I don't want him and I to not do this together. We planned and love this baby. He promised me this would be a good, happy, peaceful pregnancy. That he would be there in every way I need him. Now I'm facing going at this alone bc we can't stop fucking fighting for even a few hours. He keeps apologizing, I'll tell him I'm tired of going back and forth making up and fighting. He'll say we're not gonna fight again, we're on the same team, blah blah blah... Then he'll just keep giving me attitude as if we never made up!
It's triggering me bc this is the same bs he pulled on me while in his affairs.

Ostrich80 posted 6/20/2014 21:58 PM

I'm so sorry that he's not being supportive, in fact, sounds like he's making matters worse. I have no advice other than, just concentrate on you and the babe. Your decision to keep him out of the delivery room sounds like a step forward for you, putting yourself and the wee one in a stress free environment. Makes me sick that you should even be having to make such a
decision. I hope he pulls his head out of his SOON!!

BreatheAgain10 posted 6/20/2014 21:58 PM

Freelancer, I'm sorry we're in the same boat. I don't know your situation but going thru pregnancy and birth are never easy when we have good support. I feel like you tho. I'm still not able to process that I'll have another child in a matter of days! Even tho we made this baby on purpose! Maybe it's bc I'm sad now it's affecting me being able to relax and enjoy welcoming my new son. I hope you have a smooth as possible labor and your new baby will give you much needed peace and joy! (((Freelancer)))

BreatheAgain10 posted 6/20/2014 22:14 PM

OakStreet and Ostrich80, I agree completely! Baby and me first right now. I can't be selfish and try to nice my H into being the comforting, supportive partner he was just days ago. I can't see myself arguing with this angry jerk while I'm in the delivery room!

STOP! H Just came in right now to inform me (as I'm typing this post) that his fine for the no seatbelt ticket he got is 11 times higher than he was sure it would be. Of course he's even more angry now. He's letting normal life issues/stresses affect us so bad. He got that fucking ticket two days after I jokingly warned him that he's gonna get a damn ticket for refusing to wear his seatbelt. He shouldn't be surprised but he comes in here just to rant about it. I finally just told him to man up and stop being a fucking baby already! I told him to quit his bitching already. Life and shit happens so deal with it without the fucking drama!
Ugh, sorry but I'd had enough taking his rudeness out on me!

OK, so this just make me realize that he's not gonna pull his crybaby head out of his ass anytime soon and I will probably more than likely have to go to the hospital without my sperm donating H
Ugh, what a shit storm his moods created... Perfect fucking timing!
Katiescarlett, I may have to ask a family member but am very embarrassed to have to give some reason to excuse my H's absence. I hate ppl in my life knowing what's going on.
Thank you for your kind words of support Ostrich!

Thinkingtoomuch posted 6/20/2014 22:15 PM

So sorry you ladies are having a rough time and having stress added at such a special time.

Definitely the time to let go of the troubles of life. It's you and the babies right now. You're all very strong.

Keep focusing on those babies. Breathe. Think how beautiful they'll be and how great they'll smell when you're holding them.

Sending you strength and peace.

BreatheAgain10 posted 6/20/2014 22:18 PM

Thank you Thinkingtoomuch. I know I'm strong but I was really trying to hold it together and be peaceable with my H so I don't keep getting so worked up. I finally had it and blew up on him just now! It felt good to tell him off but now my adrenaline is pumping (not good). I don't know how I'll forgive him for ruining what's suppose to be a happy time for us.

Thinkingtoomuch posted 6/20/2014 22:36 PM

I think it's good you let it rip.

Friend, nurse, family, anybody who can talk to H to talk him out of current mindset and explain to him how important peace is for the safety of baby and you? The actual pre and birthing of a baby is heavy duty on one's health and survival.

I think getting some temporary distance, even walking to another room or outside to get your own space can lower the stress for even a few minutes can help.

Although I understand, try not to think too far into the future.

[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 10:38 PM, June 20th (Friday)]

BreatheAgain10 posted 6/21/2014 03:25 AM

Thank you again Thinkingtoomuch,
I took your advice tonight. I just went to the mall to get out of the house with my ten yr old. Did some shopping for some much needed new pillows- nice ones on sale!
Took my baby to eat and had a late night visit with my parents and siblings. I had a nice peaceful time escaping the drama...
Of course H had to txt me his typical, "I'm sorry, I want nothing but peace and love" line that I've already heard a number of times since last night. I just told him I'm tired and that I want to stay with my parents for now. I told him i love him but that i can't fix our issues. He says for me to let him fix it then...
We'll see what he does. I'm sure I'll be ok with my family's support if anything.

Althea posted 6/21/2014 15:42 PM


I was where you both are 9 months ago. It is such an insanely vulnerable time. Just keep thinking of the beautiful baby your are about to hold in your arms. Life may be extremely difficult right now, but I promise this baby will remind you what happiness is and help pull you through.

My sweet girl was an HB baby and the pregnancy was very stressful. I agree that a doula and/or supportive family members will help with the delivery. You have both done it before, just keep that in mind.

I'll be thinking of you both and wishing you peaceful deliveries.

oldtimer97 posted 6/21/2014 16:19 PM

I don't have a lot of advice, I thought perhaps this was the 1st baby for you as a couple, the way he was acting, but I see that's not the case looking at your statistics. If possible, I would try to find a calm moment to communicate (or if that doesn't seem possible, type out your thoughts and give it to him to read, but also acknowledge the stresses he's feeling as well) Yeah, I know you're the mommy, going to do the majority of the work..but I'm guessing men sometimes feel really left out of this process...just a guess since I'm not a guy hehe.

One thing I wanted to jump in and tell you is about his 11x normal ticket he got. In most jurisdictions, that can be the convenience fee you pay for having the ability to pay it off and not dealing with going to court. BUT, if your H goes to court, pleads a good mea culpa to the judge, admits responsibility, and asks for a reduction to new baby or ??, the judge may likely reduce the fine. Even if he doesn't, the fine is likely to be less as much as that quoted on the ticket. I think you can call the court and ask what the fine is if he's found "guilty" or pleads "nolo contendere" in court and see if it's different. Here's a little explanation between the two:

Good luck, I hope you find peace with your delivery & have a healthy baby.

[This message edited by oldtimer97 at 4:20 PM, June 21st (Saturday)]

BreatheAgain10 posted 6/21/2014 20:03 PM

Thank you Althea,
It is a very vulnerable time, I agree. My H has been very unstable in his moods since Thursday. I've even asked him if it's bc of these new painkillers he started taking that very same day. He was very defensive about the pills. He has them hidden from me and won't let on how much he's taking (he claims he has a high tolerance to drugs so he always needs more than the prescribed dose).
Idk... Maybe the pressure of baby coming is getting to him. Either way, I feel it's pretty selfish of him to lash out at his son and I bc he can't handle the stress. Add if he's the only one dealing with a life change! Ha!
He must not get that I'm freakin' scared deep down. What if baby is born and gets an infection? What if I need an emergency c-section? What if I hemorrhage? All these fears and he can't be there to comfort me bc he's worried about himself right now.
It hurts but I've spent much of yesterday crying my eyes out. To the point that I felt very stressed and ill. Today, I put my bitch boots on. I am not taking his shitty boo hoo attitude anymore. My unborn baby and older kids come first!

[This message edited by BreatheAgain10 at 10:24 PM, June 21st (Saturday)]

Thinkingtoomuch posted 6/21/2014 22:21 PM

What pain pills is H taking if I may be so nosy? And what does he have that he needs these?

I'd find that out if I were you. Whatever is causing him pain may be making him irritable. Or, the "pain pills" could be causing side effects that are distracting. Medications have tons of side effects that can be dismissed by unsuspecting people. I may be able to pinpoint some of this if you find out, as I'm a nurse. I understand if you don't want to divulge it to me, as I'm a stranger. A simple explanation could help tho.

I also wonder why he really doesn't want you to see them. Is this usual for him? Some pills are not really for pain, but can help pain by altering the way the body reacts, like antidepressants do this. Then that even adds to more conjecture about other side effects.

Sorry for the TMI. You can PM me if you want.

Baby hugs.

[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 10:33 PM, June 21st (Saturday)]

BreatheAgain10 posted 6/21/2014 22:44 PM

Thinkingtoomuch, sent you a PM...

heme posted 6/22/2014 06:49 AM

Is there a family member that you can rely on to be with you? Or could you hire a Dolua (labor support person) last minute? That way you could at least have someone there to support you if your husband can't get his head out of his butt before the baby gets here.

If not tell the nurses when you get there that you will be alone. If at all possible they will try to have someone with you the whole time to give you support (staffing permitted). Or at least check in on your more often..

Sending you strength and comfort.. Congratulations on your new baby.

deena04 posted 6/22/2014 07:10 AM

Congrats on your new baby. I do wish you the best and hope you have someone (friend, family) that can be there for you in a STRESS FREE way. (Notice the stress free). Focus on you and your little bundle and love that baby up.

Sadmumma posted 6/22/2014 08:26 AM

Breathe again.. I know EXACTLY what you're going through.

I delivered babies #4 and 5 alone. I'm happy to discuss via PM if you like.

While it can be done alone, sometimes the unexpected can happen and you really need someone with you. Its scary enough when it does and to be alone is doubly so. You need someone at this time who can support you physically and emotionally. If thats WH, great. If not, do you have a friend that yo can count on?

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