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Newest Member: ringkey89 (61884)

User Topic: Hope for Newbies
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, June 21st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sit here reflecting of my journey this past 6 months. I wanted to take a moment to encourage the Newbies and Lurkers you have yet to sign up. You are likely feeling desperate and alone right now. You have been betrayed to the very core by the person you thought you could always trust to have your back. For this I am sorry. I post today with a message of hope. It does get better.

I want to emphasize an important aspect of recovery...action. You may not feel like doing anything other than staying curled in a ball and crying. This is okay for a time. There will come a time soon when you will need to choose stand and fight for the person in the mirror. Regardless of whether your relationship ends in Divorce or Reconciliation, you will need to actively work to heal yourself.

I encourage each of you to seek the support of loved ones. Find a BFF to lean upon who can call you daily for sanity checks. Seek Individual Counseling for you. Navigating through this level of grief is not a natural process nor something you ever would have prepared for. Read read read. There are dozens of books on recovery from infidelity, codependance, self esteem and general survival from emotional trauma. Go to your library and devour them. Every positive smipit is a brick in your stronger new foundation.

I am not sure why I felt compelled to post this but am so grateful for this site when I started. Today I am generally happy. I have learned alot about myself (some good to grow and others bad to work on). I have learned I have better friends and coworkers than I could ever imagine. I learned my faith in God is strong. And I learned that my heart is resilient. I craves the honor of loving and I will let it free to do so again.

Don't let infidelity define you. Let your strength to stand back up when you've been knocked down define you. You have more strength than you know.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
♂ 43809
Member # 43809
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, June 21st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks bro. I have posted and read a lot of other posts. Nice to see that you are recovered(ing) and you have a life.

I told WW I was feeling better today after the 3am call where she has admitted holding back truths and plans to open up. We haven't gotten there yet due to work, family, etc. but I plan on a long talk soon and getting more aired.

This is a great site with great people like yourself.


Married 9/20/2003
WW with OM 8 years
Dday 6/15/14

Posts: 48 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: New Mexico
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, June 21st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

reach out to anyone here...we've been there. My marriage didn;t make it and I am now going through D but I now can see a future. It's a little fuzzy in places, exciting and scary in others but there is a future and I look forward to it.

If I could make a recommendation for you: The truth is a strange thing in these times. I would recommend you ask your ww to write a timeline on paper so you can process in a time that is healthy for you. Make clear that you expect it to include everything you want (wouldn;t dig too deep into details or you'll crush urself). But when it started, how long it lasted, how many times were they together etc.>>>My biggect advise is to make sure you emphasize you only want to do this once so no holding back. Lay it all out there. It is easier to forgive something massive than a dozen little things...(death by a thousand cuts is what my WW did to me).

Post here often brother...we are all at different stages and will suppoirt each other through out the journey

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
♀ 43304
Member # 43304
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, June 21st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you . I have to hang on to what little hope I have. I'm the only sane parent my children have

Posts: 358 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
♀ 43659
Member # 43659
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, June 21st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I really needed to read your words. I have been paralyzed in a ball of inertia telling myself it is no big deal really,the affair. But seeing the other peoples' pain in here helps me see I am not alone. And if people like you can find a way out of this pain, than maybe I can too. I have so much joy and beauty in my life, but I see it as if through a thick pane of glass at the moment, unable to touch it, hear it, know it, but it is there, just break that glass and walk through back into my life which was once so happy, and will always be blessed, no matter what side of the glass I am on!
Thanks for the encouragement.

me:BGF, 54, American immigrant. one son. me and my ex get along great, the most amicable split imaginable!
him:WBF,43, Polish immigrant
together since 2006,
DDay:October28,2009,after his 3 teen kids push him to cheat with OW.
5 betrayed me

Posts: 298 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: UK
♂ 42858
Member # 42858
Default  Posted: 8:35 PM, June 21st (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jo: u will break through. Be deliberate and be patient with u.

I never realized you could be in this much pain and not be dying.

Posts: 700 | Registered: Mar 2014
Topic Posts: 6

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