I have done the 180...It worked for me. My WH has always been the more secure in our relationship and therefore tends to take things for granted.
Dday was in mid April. There had been a year of figuring out bits and pieces before discovering what the real picture was. Last weekend I was just so mad/angry...i honestly had never felt that kind of rage in my life. I let him know my thoughts and that what he did (not him the person) disgusted me. If that is what he wants to do, then I no longer wanted to be with him. I left the house and went for a drive. About 30 minutes later came back (note I have been working at the 180 since I found out) and he immediately came to me and asked me to sit down on the couch so we could talk. My WH is not a talker. He was raised that you keep things to yourself. It is a weakness to discuss them. I have been shut down so many times in trying to get to this point.He sincerely told me how he was so sorry, he never meant to cause me the deep hurt that he has. He begged me not to leave and to try and work it out. I had been so mad, but then I started crying, gut-wrenching sobbing. He held me. I kept asking how he could hurt me like that. That a knife in the back would be better. I told him I didn't know if I could do this. He was also upset and told he would never hurt me again like that. I told him he could only prove that through his actions.
I will let you know in the beginning he was somewhat in what SI refers to as the 'fog'. It has been a hard road to travel. My emotions are all over the place. Today is our 29th wedding anniversary. In a way it is almost like starting to date each other again. Learning and being comfortable talking to each other.
I am doing IC and down the road we will probably do MC. There is nothing easy about this experience. SI FORUMS HAVE KEPT ME SANE!! You will start to notice that you also learn who you are. I have become more confident again....I don't remember where along the way I lost that.
Read the forums, read from items listed in the healing library, and try to figure out a way to block the thoughts when the mind movies start. YOU CAN DO THIS!! You need to realize you are okay on your own. I really think you have to reach that state and let the WS know you are not promising to stay forever...you will stay until their actions tell you that you shouldn't be there anymore. So if they choose to be unfaithful again, it will hurt, but you are confident enough in yourself to walk away.