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The other day my BS suffered from intense abdominal pains that raised her temperature. I was ready to call 911. It passed and she finally got relief. Yesterday I told her that I was so worried that I even thought of her death from sickness. She asked me how I would feel if that happened. I did not think carefully and just said that I would somehow get by. She was upset by my response. I then realized how that reply was offensive and that it was also not all of what I felt and thought. It was a very inconsiderate response in that it did not show my concern for her and just displayed a lack of feeling on my part. It is not all of what I truly felt and thought because I realized that I would be lost since she has become a very important part of my life. Everything I do is connected to her. For her to suddenly disappear would be devastating for me. This is what I should have told her. I did and also said that I will need to get through that devastation somehow. This is part of my wayward thinking that goes back into my formative years. I am not able to express my thoughts and feelings clearly. I rush to say something out of fear. I am not able to communicate well with others and with myself. In this case I rushed to say only part of what I thought and felt and did not take the time to reflect and then express everything clearly. I hope to rid myself of this behavior. I have to do it actively. It is not fair for my BS to wait any longer for me to become a better person. It is not fair for me either. Your thoughts and observations are welcome.

I can relate to reacting to a thought that causes discomfort and giving a short incomplete answer to just move away from the thought. I am guilty of giving an answer without really processing the question because I don't want to feel the feelings brought on by the question.

Is that what was happening when you replied to your BS as you did? If so, it's not lack of feeling, but being uncomfortable with your emotions.

I frequently take a conscious pause before I speak to process what I'm thinking and feeling. Especially in emotionally charged or important conversations. It takes practice and I'm still working on it but have seen much improvement.

Thank you for this insight. I think this is what is happening. I am certainly uncomfortable with the question and the thoughts that came with it. The quick response is a way of turning away from the discomfort. I need to pause and reflect on my feelings and thoughts before giving a response. I need to work on this. Thank you.