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scream posted 6/22/2014 18:51 PM

Sitting watching tv....its everywhere. Seems like it doesn't matter what's on. There is some form of an affair. Then there are the triggers. Commercials and crap. We can't seem to escape it. My wife likes to read...there too. Fuck me...we really can't get away from it.

Does anyone think that it may interfere with R? Am I being to simple? If its everywhere you look,listen,read...whatever can it ever settle down in our minds? Ws and Bs.

growing posted 6/22/2014 19:34 PM

It is interfering with my recovery. I basically can't watch any tv or films anymore. I was recently tortured while pumping gas by the pump's built-in tv advertisement about a guy cheating on his coffee with another coffee. My fWW and I are finding replacement activities to replace movie night on the couch, etc.

peoplepleaser posted 6/22/2014 19:59 PM

It is everywhere. At first I was angry about it thinking it would interfere. The truth is that this is the works we live in. Our relationships will have to survive in that context. Maybe it can be seen as ways to increase communication and opportunities to demonstrate out commitments to each other by showing compassion when it happens to both WS and BS. So much time is spent on BS triggers, but I'm thinking that there are probably many times a remorseful WS is triggered and swallows their negative feelings as personal consequences. I would like to think that as R progresses both parties will openly share these moments with emotional safety.

Sal1995 posted 6/22/2014 20:22 PM

It is everywhere in the media, and it sucks for us trying to recover. But then again it's everywhere in reality, so maybe entertainment just reflects reality.

I don't know what we can do except avoid it when possible and suck it up when it can't be avoided. R really isn't for sissies.

ImSorry11 posted 6/22/2014 21:50 PM

It sucks. I have triggers everyday and panic attacks several times a week. I just try and practice my EMDR.

Wayflost posted 6/22/2014 22:08 PM

Every other day I consider giving up all television and movies. Only yesterday it hit me like a ton of bricks that the main character in one of my favorite series is a BS. It knocked the wind out of me.

I just try to sit with the feeling, be aware for my BH, and take it one moment at a time.

I don't know what we can do except avoid it when possible and suck it up when it can't be avoided. R really isn't for sissies.

^^^^^ no kidding. This is so much harder than anything else I have ever tried in my life.

Jrazz posted 6/23/2014 00:25 AM

Completely agree. Some days I think it's harder on Crazz than me. He definitely triggers harder at TV and Movies than I do.

Definitely impetus to shut out electronic media and just spend some good old fashioned time with the family over a board game.

(((scream and teach8)))

[This message edited by Jrazz at 12:59 AM, June 23rd (Monday)]

saturnpatrick posted 6/23/2014 00:39 AM

Yup, its everywhere. But for me it got better.

Early in R was awful. I broke down crying watching "Ted". Yes, the movie about the potty-mouthed talking stuffed teddy bear.

Absolutely sobbed.

Between then and now my FWW was always on top of things with the 'sorry for what I did' and such. Now they pop up and I handle them much better.

Godsgirl posted 6/23/2014 01:14 AM

This has a way of opening your eyes to how easily accepted affairs/cheating really are. Its not really new so much as more in your face thanks to the media.

I guess its like every other part of your healing. Over time the triggers and constant bombardment lose their power. The reality isn't going to change but how it affects you and your spouse will.

I hate to say it but I've grown so used to hearing, reading, watching about affairs that I just filter it out at this point. Its like violence, nudity, and bad language in the media, there's just too much to protect yourself and your family from.

scream posted 6/23/2014 05:51 AM

Thanks for the responses. Like buying a new car. Now you see that car everywhere. Teach seems to get through them on her own. Knowing somethings can't be avoided. But I just hate the anger that goes through me when I see them.

theseseatsRtaken posted 6/23/2014 06:19 AM

Scream,

Something my BS and I have been working on is the idea that images, objects, places etc are all given their symbolism and their power by us. We choose what meaning we apply to things. For example, I was choosing every time I drove past APs place of work to let it mean pain and horrible memories to me. And so I would feel angry and sick while my had filled up with memories I wish I didnt have.

These days, I choose for the places that remind me of her to represent where I am going, not where I have been. I let it help me celebrate the man I am becoming and the future i have the opportunity to share with my beautiful BW.


Symbols are given power by people. A single shift in perspective can really help to ease the torment of these triggers which are as you say, so pervasive.

This is by no means a straigh forward thing to do. I still have dark triggers all the time. But this way of thinking is steadily helping me wade through it all a bit better.

I hope this helps.


islesguy posted 6/23/2014 06:23 AM

Yes, it is everywhere and the anxiety that exists when just sitting down and watching a TV show is intense because it pops up so unexpectedly at times. The knowledge that all of this could have been avoided if I could have just been a faithful partner makes me so angry and sick.

lovemywife4ever posted 6/23/2014 07:58 AM

I agree. I hate it. I just want to watch a movie with BS at times and if it has an affair or ons in it, she leaves the room. It starts her off on WWIII. I meanwhile just wanted a nice movie and didn't know what was in it. I hate it. It makes me feel like I need to watch everything before we do together so I can screen for triggers.

Alyssamd24 posted 6/23/2014 08:24 AM

My BH and I enjoy watching a show called Banshee. We both started watching it in the second season so for fathers day I bought him the first season. We have started watching it together, but now I am realizing what a trigger it is because we are seeing parts of the show we have never seen be for. We knew the show was about two main characters who used to be lovers before he went to prison for 15 years....but in the first season of the show when he comes back they have sex and all their feelings come back....even though she is married to another man and has two kids.

It just sucks cuz I love watching the show with my BH but now its awkward watching it.

OK now posted 6/23/2014 09:08 AM

It really is everywhere but giving up television and movies does help to screen out much cheating. The movie 'Unfaithful' does a number on me. Trouble is i have a private screening in my head from time to time. Can't get away from infidelity even if you lock yourself in a closet.

hopefull77 posted 6/23/2014 20:11 PM

We try and talk about it....started true detective...wow it slammed me but....I also had found out about a friends 2 year old drowning a few days earlier ....emotions were on edge already....movies are like affairs ....fantasy....
Everything is all solved in 90 min...like I said ...all fantasy

Joanh posted 6/23/2014 21:34 PM

yep its everywhere, real life fantasy, everywhere. I too have a hard time watching shows, will start watching a series and boom, there you have the beginning or undercurrent of affair to happen, that's it lose interest.

We don't really watch much tv, and movies well they are action movies, which surprise surprise. Affairs too.

WE are better through it now, now it will cause trigger in me when something is familiar or I can relate too. My Bh , well not the talking type, so I have to watch his actions and his eyes.

TV shows not a huge trigger surprisingly. People are. And the sappy rose colored glasses love stories, yah nope .

scream posted 6/24/2014 05:16 AM

I get its something that happens in so many marriages and relationships. And I get that in some cases its just part of a story. But holy shit. Can't get away frokm it. I know its on our minds anyway but we all need a break from thinking about our pain.

Just when you think your there...bam. either I'm back to it or she is or both. Yeah, I know its my fault to begin with but fuck me.

KatieG posted 6/24/2014 06:31 AM

Yes its everywhere on TV, but what I haven't seen is a good R story on TV. It trivialises the pain. Either a 'get over it' or, they give the perspective of the WS blaming a bad M. That gets to me even more.

LostSamurai posted 6/24/2014 06:55 AM

For some reason, I been watching some tv shows, and they mention it in some form or fashion...and I still get a chuckle out of it.

I don't know why. I was watching American Dad... a cartoon with stupid stuff in it. One episode they were talking about having backup wives and husbands and their AP's and them got in a fight and they end up killing the AP's.

I got a laugh out of it.

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