Do people ever consider the consequences of their lies? What impact your dishonesty would have on others as well as yourself?
FWW asked if i trusted her and i said "No". This seemed to disturb her but what other answer did sh expect. Given every chance to come clean she simply lies to cover the lies already told. Her favorite answer is "I don't know". Which in itself is still a lie.
She takes to the internet to complain of my treatment towards her. She writes out dramatic lies from her perceptions or from the perceptins someone else has planted in her mind. Om the web she is a person that i do not even know. She is dishonest and leading towards pathetic. The very fact that others can convince her of troubles she has that do not actually exist suggest she is not as solid as i thought.
Her employment gives her access to thousands of identities to use to disquise her actions. Further she has her mail delivered to her office. This is to keep me in the dark about her actions. She has a blog but i have not been able to gain access to it as yet.
Imentioned before how has a programmer friend or lover enter our home computer and set up secret ports for lines of communication. I consulted a attorney to see if i had a legal course to prevent this. He said i do but i would have to do a computer forensic thing to obtain that proof and then we could proceed. I am still debating the cost against the marriage.
I'm tired in mind ,heart, and soul. I don't know how much more i can take. The time iv'e put in cleaning my comp and trying to recapture my life.
Trying to make something matter out of all this mess of lies and deception. In a moment of depression so severe i contemplated a peaceful solution. I had a rare moment of clarity.
I actually thought about myself for a change....and it felt good. I search more now for those moments when i can counsel myself because this life is not just hers. With the help of a friend i have started to reclaim myself for me and not her suggested perceptions from anothers mind.
So today i have decided to create something that is important to me alone. Something that i can share devoid of her interest and influence. Today i discover myself as i am. The rest will just have to take a backseat.