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dana47 (original poster member #43711) posted at 7:47 PM on Monday, June 23rd, 2014
I'm sure this is common. I have my ups and downs. Some days I'm confident and happy at home. Other days I miss AP. Trying to remind myself of AP's annoying/lying/arrogant behaviors. Need to focus on all the wonderful attributes my hubby has.
BrokenButTrying ( member #42111) posted at 7:51 PM on Monday, June 23rd, 2014
What work are you doing to identify the void in yourself that you want the AP to fill?
Madhatters - We have R'd.
Chin up. Unwavering. Fight. We can do this.
Wayflost ( member #41583) posted at 7:56 PM on Monday, June 23rd, 2014
I just bumped a thread for you.
I don't have any BTDT advice for you. There was no problem for me to snap out of it after the first week. Anytime a thought of any AP is triggered my brain automatically switches to sadness about how that person's existence hurts my BH. He means more to me than any other person in the world (with the exception of the small part of myself I like).
I do not miss the APs, the false promises, or the false validation. I feel worse now than I did before they all started. It wasn't worth it, and I wouldn't go back. Not for anything.
"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly."
bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 8:09 PM on Monday, June 23rd, 2014
BS here.
Our MC told my husband early on that when he felt like he was missing AP, he should remind himself what he missed was how he felt, or kind of the "high" of the affair, rather than her. And you know really, that was very, very true.
me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.
dana47 (original poster member #43711) posted at 8:16 PM on Monday, June 23rd, 2014
Great advice. Thank you. Filling the void...this has been a long journey for me. I had a difficult childhood. I come from a long line of addicts. : ( 3 years ago our family suffered a big tragedy. That was the BIG trigger fir me. Working on it. Just yesterday I was cleaning out our closet and was able to toss out a "keepsake" from my lost loved one. Progress. Letting go takes time.
ImSorry11 ( member #43517) posted at 8:38 PM on Monday, June 23rd, 2014
I understand how you feel. My withdrawal was ugly. I had to keep telling myself that I liked the way AP made me FEEL not the AP himself. I remind myself that the A was like being on meth/heroin.....felt amazing at the time but was very harmful and destructive. My loyal loving amazing husband is 10000 times the man AP will ever be. My BH is so much better looking, has integrity, intelligence, patience, loyalty, etc.
Big giant hugs. Just wanted to let you know that I can relate as I struggle with this too.
Me: WW 33
Him: BH 37
DDay 5/23/14, 4 month EA/PA
Married 8 years Together 12
3 Beautiful Kiddos
PenitentMan ( member #43174) posted at 8:40 PM on Monday, June 23rd, 2014
I feel the same as Wayflost. I'll add that AP also used you for their own selfish needs. It wasn't love. It wasn't special. It wasn't unique. It wasn't real. And it could've happened with anyone other than me. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if it happened before with someone else. It was broken, wrong, dysfunctional. Sadness, resentment, maybe a little anger at their contribution in helping me mess up all of our lives. Nothing to miss, certainly.
Me: FWH (39)
Her: BW (34)
DDay 1: March 2013 (EA/PA that *I* rugswept)
DDay 2: April 2014 (PA with double betrayal. OW was wife's friend)
Married: Since 2001
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