I realize now that I did a lot of damage, and it is not something that is easily undone. I wish I could, and I hope that what has happened can heal. I think it has begun, and I am happy, but there is a part of me that is still nervous when I think about it.
Thank all of you for your words and advice. It has been a real boon to talk to people about it, because it is hard to talk to my friends and family. Sometimes it is hard to admit, even to myself, at how destructive I was.