i really dont know where to begin. we were perfect. atleast in my head we were. we are young, met in college, our parents have grown up together, so theres that family history. and it was all so pretty and perfect..
he was brash and irresponsible when we first met. i didnt like him at all..he was just aboy.and i was an ambitious , hot headed young girl. but the first night we spoke, we stayed up the night...talking, sharing, dreaming..and we never stopped talking after that. in a few days, there was this unexplicable pull..it was LOVE alright! and so we started off..two young, wild, lovers! and this brash, irresponsible guy began growing up into a man.he turned around..he took charge of his life..set his goals right ..and yeah, we were in most of them!
my dad passed away a year after we began seeing each other..and he was there. like a rock. he became my support, my late night anxiety call, my prince rescuing me from my deepest fears.he wiped away my tears, and made me feel alive . HE SAID I MADE HIM FEEL ALIVE TOO.
he was there throguh it all..and we had our good times, life went on. i went from being an independent, carefree, ambitious girl , to a dependent, clingy, attention seeking woman..it didnt bother us that much ..but in a few months,the cracks set in. we were still going strong, but the dependent clingy person id become..i didnt allow him to hangout with his friends, i got 'posessive'..and we had our little tiffs and arguments about this. but we always got back togetehr..said our sorries, made out and smiled, knowing THERE WAS NOTHING THAT COULD PULL US APART. he made me believe so. 'im never letting you go' he would say. NO MATTER WHAT.
things went on like this for a while..he became distant,,after 3 years into the relationship..wouldnt talk as much on the phone, or wouldnt surprise me as much...but i looked into his eyes, and the love and affection was still there.through all the nonsense and the fights, we DREAMT OF STARTING A LIFE TOGETHER.he would make plans with his freins, and i would get mad. soon, he stpped telling me of these plans (with hia guy friends)..adn i didnt bother to findout....after a while he started not commenting on his future plans..he would be vague.i thought he was just moving into a different zone.
soon, i left the city we lived in for an internship in a different part of the country. it went well. HE SAID THE DISTANCE WAS NICE. i made friends, i enjoyed, discovered more of myself..it was wonderful. while i was away..he did everythign with his friends ,that he hadnt done with me. taken trips, watched movies, painted, gone photographing. all these things that id begged him to do with me..buthe just didnt have the 'time' then. its fine..i let it pass, since i was having fun and knowing myself too.
at the end of my internship he came to visit me. he saw the AMAZING FRIENDS id made, the life i was living int hat community..he was a bit jealous..and he wanted that. i soon left , but he decided to stay there and get a summer job. i left..it was very difficuly to leave the place that had given me so much..given me back myself, my independece and joy..and so many amazing people from all over the world..so intitally the transition was difficult. i kept calling him and texting him...when i got back to my hometown..but he didnt respond. my firneds there said he was busy, going to the beach, working, just..having fun. i let it be..
it had NEVER HAPPENED THAT WE HADNT SPOKEN FOR MORE THAN A DAY.we would be in contact, no matter where. thats how bf/gf are right?
which is why..it was weird that he hadnt called/msged/emailed in 2WEEKS!!!
it ws difficult.but i stopped calling and crazytexting.
but i had to find out what was going on! i texted one of my bestfriends and asked her what was up..was he SEEING SOMEONE ELSE?? WHAT WAS WRONG?she was really close to me and said she would tell me everythign clearly.
but before i could speak to her directly..one of my friends handed the phone to my bf. i WAILED AND CRIED. I DIDNT KNOW WHAT WAS HAPPENING. WHY HE HADNT CALLED/BOTHERED TO CONTACT ME IN 2 WEEKS..ASK IF I WAS OK.i was mad and sad and confused. i told him this..he cried too..and kept saying ' i dont deserve you//youre too good for me'//i thought it was coz he was guilty that hed cut me off ...we said our sorries..but something was still not right and normal. i gave him several chances, i asked him to be honest..but he just wouldnt say anything..he just kept saying he was carried away and ditn deserve me.
next morning.my informant friend called. SHE TOLD ME EVERYTHING. HOW HE WAS BEHAVING LIKE A SINGLE GUY AFTER I LEFT, HOW HE WORE GIRLS CLOTHES AND SLEPT IN THEIR ROOMS, DID LIL THINGS FOR THIS GIRL..LIKE PICKING HER UP , STAYING UP LATE WITH HER..
i was confused and shocked.!!it was like my world fell apart. i immedaitly called him and asekd him if all this was true. HE SAID YES. HE SAID YES, TO SLEEPING WITH THE GIRL.KISSING HER. LIKING IT. YES , THAT HE THOUGHT OF ME WHILE HE DID IT, BUT WENT AHEAD ANYWAYS
MY WORLD CRASHED AND BURNED TO THE GROUND. MY 'SOUL MATE' MY WORLD, MY MOST TRUSTED FRIEND. MY ROCK ,MY PIECE OF JOY.- BETRAYED ME. and liked it!!he wasnt sorry. he was sorry he got caught.
ALL THIS happened over the phone.
he called a few hrs later, crying and begging for another chance. i asked him IF HE WANTED ANOTHER CHANCE ATALL..SINCE HE WAS CLEARLY UNHAPPY WITH ME, TO HAVE DONE ALL THOSE THINGS WITH THAT GIRL.
next morning i was calmer..i wanted to speak to him. he would answer. i called him all day, he said he was out . in the night..i finally got thru. and then he revealed how mUCH HE WAS SUFFOCATED, CHOKED AND UNHAPPY with me. HED BEEN THAT WAY SINCE 2 YEARS.he hadnt been happy..and now that hewas away from me, HED FOUND THE FREEDOM AND THE CHANCE TO do what he did.
I ALMOST DIED THAT NIGHT.
WE havent spoken since. we exchanged a few msgs of liberation and releasing each other from the 'bonds' of this relationship.
but what about the dreams , promises and futures wed built toghetehr? how could he have done all those things when he was unhappy?
im confused. its been a month..hes back in my city. most of our friends arent talking to him. he didnt bother to tell them anyway..he didnt talk to them while he was there..he leaned on that girl and the new friends hed made there. now hes back , crying and alone. heDOESNT WANT TO GET BACK WITH ME. he told a friend..but hes guilty about the way he ended things.
ive only been loyal and faithful thru the realtionship. ive caused trouble, have been very dependent on him..but was this his way of TAKING REVENGE for all the lil things i did wrong? ISNT CHEATING A CHOICE? and how am i supposed to get over this??