"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

onceacheater71 posted 6/23/2014 18:35 PM

Hi everyone. My DD was almost 6 months ago. We are getting a divorce because I cannot get past the affair. I posted my story here shortly after I found out.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20 and I've been thinking about all the signs that existed before the huge revelation. There is one particular incident that happened and I readily believed his explanation. He insists it's true today, though I don't expect that he would ever admit something was going on before the affair that I actually caught him in.

I'm interested to hear if anyone here thinks the following story might be true. Now I just feel like an idiot for ever believing it, but when you trust someone that's what you do--believe them.

Last year WH returned from a trip with a guy friend. A couple of days after his return I was looking in his laptop back for the power cord because I needed to charge the computer. Instead, I found a condom. We NEVER use condoms. When he came home later that day I asked him about it. Get ready for this. It's a doozy. He told me that because he had to drive an hour and a half late at night from the airport upon returning from his trip, he might need to jerk off (pardon my bluntness) in the car to stay awake for the drive. He said he had the condom so he wouldn't make a mess in the car. I TOTALLY believed it without question. How could I be so stupid. But I had no proof of anything and I really never thought of it again until weeks after discovering (with video evidence)that he was cheating on me. I do know it wasn't with the OW from this current situation. I just think he had a ONS with someone else or had at least prepared himself should the opportunity present itself.

Does anyone think there is anyway his story is true? Do people really do that while driving to stay awake? Is it even possible to drive while doing that? Wow. Amazed.

Rebreather posted 6/23/2014 18:38 PM

I think that people do an assortment of weird things, but, as to his story? No, I wouldn't believe it. It goes to his pattern of behavior.

Why did he have only one condom? Where are the rest? If he intended to use it, why was it back in his bag instead of placed for ready use?

Wouldn't believe it for a second.

laid2waste posted 6/23/2014 18:44 PM

Speaking for myself, based on my own experiences, I've never met anyone who didn't want to fall asleep immediately after an orgasm/ejaculation; myself included. Based on that, if I had heard that story, the bullshit flag would have popped with me.

Not saying it's not possible, however.

Lovedyoumore posted 6/23/2014 18:45 PM

This could go in the book "Stupid Things Cheaters Say". Even if true, it is so stupid your H deserves to lose you. He cannot drive 90 minutes without yanking? I am so sorry. Do not be embarrassed for believing him. He is the one who should be ashamed for using such a ridiculous story to trick you when he knew you would trust him. He has no morals in that.

Lark posted 6/23/2014 18:58 PM

Doesn't make any sense to me. He purchased just one condom and uses jacking off as a replacement for caffeine? Sounds kike he doesnt want to admit about possible OW than you know about until you have proof

StillGoing posted 6/23/2014 19:08 PM

The only times I have ever heard of a guy jacking into a condom has been here, when it's some story about why there are suddenly condoms where there were no condoms before.

Also, lol at jerking off to stay awake. Did he have a turkey sandwich and glass of wine to help with that too?

onceacheater71 posted 6/23/2014 19:17 PM

LOL. You guys are awesome! It helps me to laugh at the ridiculousness of it looking back. I definitely was so trusting and no, he doesn't deserve me.

somanyyears posted 6/23/2014 19:35 PM

..

.."jerking off keeps you awake at the wheel!!"

..of course it does..... and the condom is necessary to keep the wad from shooting himself in the eyes .... and blurring his vision!!

..not!

..TOTAL BULLSHIT>>>

smy.. p.s... tell him to stop for a black coffee next time.

WhereIsHome posted 6/23/2014 19:36 PM

It's so funny the lies they come up with on the spot!!! They gotta have an inventory of lies they go to the well when they are caught in a precarious position. I believed my wife on three things should have totally deep dived into and put her feet to the coals woulda saved me 3 years. but like you said when you love someone you trust them and believe them.

[This message edited by WhereIsHome at 7:38 PM, June 23rd (Monday)]

allusions posted 6/23/2014 19:40 PM

I think he deserves some kind of bullshit prize for that one. He couldn't even come up with the usual "I was carrying it for my friend" or "someone put it there as a joke"?

idontknowwhy5 posted 6/23/2014 20:31 PM

I'm going to say that unless he has some odd sexual gratification issue it's 100% bs. Creative bs though, but bs.

painfulpast posted 6/23/2014 20:34 PM

Um, what?

I'm curious - how do you know it wasn't for OW?

MandMs posted 6/23/2014 20:42 PM

I guess anything is possible… Do you know him to be more awake after orgasm in your experience? I've never heard of such a thing but who knows…

I found a box of condoms in my H's drawer (the box was open…) before I found out what he was up to. He had already had a vasectomy so there was no need for us to use them and his explanation was that he thought it would be fun to use them... "condoms make sex fun!" said no man ever…

At the time I just brushed it off and thought it was weird and never thought about it again. After DD I remembered the incident and couldn't believe how stupid I was. Denial can be so strong.

sunvalley posted 6/23/2014 21:00 PM

Hmm wonder what kind of distracted driving charges they would fine him for with that one....pity the cop who pulls someone like him over! Ya sounds like bs, but dont blame yourself for believing his lies...it sounds too stupid to be made up!

onceacheater71 posted 6/23/2014 21:32 PM

I know it wasn't for the specific OW that I learned about on DD. He just met her in the fall and this condom story happened around Feb or Mar 2013. So it would have been a different AP, which I don't doubt at all. Nothing surprises me anymore. He had the excuse right on the spot. I think he came up with it on the fly, though. He's creative and had the benefit of my complete trust. I really don't see how it's possible to jerk off while driving. In my mind it's akin to patting yourself on the head and rubbing your stomach in circle simultaneously. Too much coordination required!

Ostrich80 posted 6/23/2014 22:42 PM

He must like to live dangerously and I would hate to be in oncoming traffic with him on the road...one hand on the wheel. nah I don't believe it.
When my ws and I were dating, he threw a runner and was MIA for a weekend. He came home with a hickey on his neck..yea apparently when he passed out drunk, his friend (male) gave it to him as,a joke to get him in trouble with me and yes I believed him there was my first red flag I chose to ignore.

[This message edited by Ostrich80 at 10:44 PM, June 23rd (Monday)]

k9lover1 posted 6/23/2014 22:50 PM

OMG - this is funny.

of course it does..... and the condom is necessary to keep the wad from shooting himself in the eyes .... and blurring his vision!!

But it's about as plausible as having an orgasm to stay alert. Right!! Wink Wink

MissMouseMo posted 6/23/2014 23:00 PM

I laughed hard Once:
"I think he came up with it on the fly."
Ahem: on the fly

Oh you made me laugh!

P.S. He's so fulla sh*t!

gonnabe2016 posted 6/23/2014 23:17 PM

Most people's *first thought go-to* when they want to stay awake is caffeine -- not *pleasuring* themselves. I don't know, condoms and coffee both start with co- ..... so maybe the little muffin got them confused.

20/20 hindsight is a bitch. There are lots of things I look back on now and go "oh, so THAT'S what was really going on." Yea, it sucks. I cannot believe some of the bullshit that happened during my marriage that I said "ok, that makes sense" to.....and then I remind myself that it made sense at the time because what the gaslighting fucker told me was plausible, but ONLY because he was leaving out significant details of the story....which, if I had known at the time would have TOTALLY changed the context, kwim?

"condoms make sex fun!"

I'm not a guy, but this statement goes against everything I've EVER heard a guy say about condoms. I've NEVER heard of a guy that really,really wanted to wear one.....quite the opposite actually.

Nature_Girl posted 6/24/2014 00:30 AM

No, I'm so sorry, this story could not be true in any universe, and I'm actually a proponent of the multi-verse theory. So no. There is no 'verse with men wanking off to stay awake. While driving. Using a condom to contain the mess.