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Newest Member: Mercedes66 (46046)

User Topic: Triggered rant (language, not for those in R)
WinterBranch
♀ 42671
Member # 42671
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The 180? What the hell good is it doing me? In what world do we live where the betrayed spouse is advised to put up and shut up? Are you kidding me? From now on, I am bringing the Apocalypse.

Kay...sooo...STBX refuses to get his stuff, so I am packing it up. I mark a box for pictures. I find a PICTURE OF THE MOW when she was in high school...the times the STBX hearkened back to in all his e-mails and texts and phone calls back in unicorn fart-land. I am SO destroying said picture. Please help with the method and mantra of destruction, if you please.

That. Fat. Married. Bitch. She and the WH have destroyed my world, without so much as a thought. I have never hated anyone in my life, but I'll tell ya'll...here...tonight...I have true hatred in my heart. Gonna show up to my home in the middle of the night and THREATEN me and tell me how awesome she is? Gonna tell me the bills are paid when they are ALL past due? Gonna tell me how you made a mistake, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHY?

Seriously? DUDE!!!! WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO REFUSE TO PAY FOR YOUR FUCK-UP? God knows, my ass is paying for it.

The gloves are off. The bitch boots are on. It's taken me 4 months, but I. Am. Done. No more nice guy. That asshole has treated me worse than I'd wish on any enemy. And I've listened to advice, I've read all the stuff in the SI yellow box...10 times over. It ain't working.

I make this vow. I will not only refuse to accept any more abuse, but also I will no longer hide what is going on from my community. I will no longer condone this behavior by not talking about it to my community. I will make it my mission that everyone who asks me where he is receives the truth.

I am slow to anger. But I am there. He better get ready. The mealy-mouthed bitch who washed his clothes, cooked his food, bought him a studio to ply his trade, payed his bills, made him a home, is GONE.

In her place is a liberated, angry, betrayed woman who don't give a damn anymore. This shit ends here. No more noncommittal responses, no more listening to his bullshit, no more enabling him to justify (to ME of all people?) why it was OK for him to tell another woman she is his true love, his fucking soulmate, and he means to be with her forever. (And he tells me this shit no matter how I non-response.)

Seriously, the 180 has not freed me in ANY way. Rather, it has enslaved me. It has made me feel less-than, that I am responsible for the outcome of the situation, and that I will somehow heal from enabling him to NOT have to face any consequences.

I DID NOT DO THIS! HE DID!

DONE and DONE. No more contact. I'll find a way to pay myself out of this financial hole. I have at the very least learned how to recognize a narcissistic abusive con-man. Lesson learned. Mischief not yet managed. But it effin' will be.


Me: Woman. In. Pain.
Him: Skittle-Sucking Toad and Con-Man.

Posts: 154 | Registered: Mar 2014
Tred
♂ 34086
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Noted.

Sounds like that felt good to get out.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4137 | Registered: Dec 2011
brokenblackbird
♀ 29541
Member # 29541
Default  Posted: 8:25 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DONE and DONE. No more contact. I'll find a way to pay myself out of this financial hole. I have at the very least learned how to recognize a narcissistic abusive con-man. Lesson learned. Mischief not yet managed. But it effin' will be.

This sounds like the 180 to me. You make the decisions about YOU and YOUR life. You leave him in the dust.

Your anger is your motivator right now. Use it.

Wear your bitch boots well!


Posts: 857 | Registered: Sep 2010
Coma
♂ 29353
Member # 29353
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hot Darn!!

I so wish that i could get to your point. They say turn thw other cheek...Translation means get kicked while your down.

Not encouraging any violence but good luck in your stance.


BS-Me
WW-Her
"Love, look what you've done to me"

Posts: 467 | Registered: Aug 2010
painfulpast
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seriously, the 180 has not freed me in ANY way. Rather, it has enslaved me. It has made me feel less-than, that I am responsible for the outcome of the situation, and that I will somehow heal from enabling him to NOT have to face any consequences.

??? Gently, the 180 is designed for you to detach. If you're doing the 180, and basically not even speaking to him, and doing your own thing, how is that him not having consequences?

Also, again, the 180 isn't about consequences for the WS. It's about detaching for the BS.

I guess I just don't understand what happened here. But regardless, go kick his ass!!!


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
WinterBranch
♀ 42671
Member # 42671
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pp--he has no consequences because he cared about naught but getting his own lazy way. He strings me along with promises to pay this and that, to help liquidate the business, to fix things at the house he said he already did. Detachment was what got me into this mess. I am not attaching to him, but I will no longer be the one who stands by and says nothing.

Detachment has sent him the message that I'm OK with it all, because I'm not seeming to be angry. He is a narcissistic asshole, after all. His payoff is continuing to string me along, so he can tell his buds what a great guy he is. BUT HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING HE SAYS HE HAS. Expecting him to behave like a person with conscience does not apply.


Me: Woman. In. Pain.
Him: Skittle-Sucking Toad and Con-Man.

Posts: 154 | Registered: Mar 2014
seenow
♀ 40720
Member # 40720
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is not your shame. More power to you and take care of yourself. Remember to think through the consequences of your actions, unlike him.


ME: BS mid 40's
Him: WH mid 40's
DDay 5/13 5 year LTA, ONS
together 25 yrs
1 kiddo

Posts: 312 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: mountain west
Stillnotoverit
♂ 43708
Member # 43708
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good For You!!

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Tennesse
WinterBranch
♀ 42671
Member # 42671
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And Tred, you're right..this feels good. I am tired of tryin' to be a LADY (you can't see me, but my mouth is all mincy and pursed-up as I typed this). I can no longer concern myself with the "greater" good nor should I exhibit restraint, so that I don't embarrass anyone. Shit on that, call a spade a spade.

Dammit, I matter. I am here, world. Restraint and manners don't work in this particular sich, and it don't suit me. Maybe at high tea. If the queen were at supper, and actually at my house. Or in a damned beauty contest. But in the struggle for my own life, nah. Screw the cocked pinkie...bring on the shit-stompers. I am stompin' said shit outta my life.

Thanks to ALL who listen. Ranting here and not IRL is a saving grace.


Me: Woman. In. Pain.
Him: Skittle-Sucking Toad and Con-Man.

Posts: 154 | Registered: Mar 2014
h0peless
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, June 23rd (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It took me about four months to find my "fuck you" too. It sure is a better feeling than the wallowing. I hope you kick his ass.

Posts: 1852 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Ostrich80
34827
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:03 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting a good old fashioned "mad on) can do wonders. Good for you...wear those boots proudly!!! I have a feeling I'm gonna be there soon My detaching and not giving a f**k has made him think he's smarter than the average bear and I'm oblivious...nope, not oblivious, just being a scheming snake like him.Armageddon is coming fool:


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5277 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The bitch boots are on. It's taken me 4 months, but I. Am. Done. No more nice guy.

It's time to *manage the mischief*, branch.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8252 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
caregiver9000
♀ 28622
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 12:55 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like the fire! Yes, you do matter!!!!


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5947 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
MakingMyFuture
♀ 43530
Member # 43530
Default  Posted: 1:12 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You go girl! By all means, make you anger/hurt known and share the information with your community if you think it will help. Just make sure you don't do anything that would involve the law or come back to hurt you. Lucky for me I had a friend talk me out of doing something very damaging early on.

In terms of bitch boots. This is about remembering you are worthy of being treated well and will tolerate nothing less. Initially my WH was still defensive, irritated, and 'suffering' through MC. It took about 3 months before my rant came out in the middle of a session. It sounded something like the speech from A Few Good Men with a mild version below...

1. I always held you on a pedestal
2.You have soaked it up so much and gotten so full of yourself, you seem to have forgotten I'm an amazing woman and deserve to be on a pedestal too
3. This MC you seem to be 'suffering through' is a GIFT you didn't earn and certainly don't deserve. It is a GIFT
4. Every time you act like working on our marriage is an inconvenience you are shitting on that Gift.
5. So you can either start recognizing me and treating me like the amazing woman I am and appreciating this gift for what it is, or you can get the fxck out and I'll find someone who will treat me the way I deserve!

That was the turning point for me. Remembering who I was and deciding/knowing I would not go another day allowing someone to treat me like garbage.

So get your boots on. Just make sure in the process of wading through the crap you make sure none of it gets back on you.


When people show you who they really are, believe them - Maya Angelou

DDay 1 - 1/13, False Recovery Discovered more + Broken NC so DDay2= 7/14

9/9/14: filed for divorce

BW: 42 (me)
WH: 40 (him)
DD-10, DS-8


Posts: 127 | Registered: May 2014
stunnedmullet
♀ 42975
Member # 42975
Default  Posted: 3:07 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Making my future - I have saved your list for when I need to use it.

Winter Branch - good on you! Soundsike an awesome place To be in! I want to tell the world most days too because everyone thinks he is this amazing guy who is such a family guy. If we weren't trying to R I would be telling everybody!


DD April Fools Day 2014 (unfortunately no joke)

BS (me) 40
WH 38
OW - a friend of WH for 5 years

4 month EA which turned into a 5 month PA

Us together 20 years, married 17 and 6 kids

I always thought I was enough but obviously not!


Posts: 232 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
yearsofpain25
♂ 42012
Member # 42012
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Love the attitude WB!! Don't forget to don your spikes with those bitch boot. Keep the Louisville in check unless you are using it on something of his, not him.


"I remind myself of this. I am a survivor. I have taken all this world has dished out and am still here. So there is no reason to be afraid. Whatever happens, I will survive. So now onto living. It is time for me to thrive." - DrJekyll

Posts: 2484 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Northeast US
devasted30
♀ 39439
Member # 39439
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know. Hmmm, sounds like the 180 did it's thing. The 180 is about you. Not him. It's about getting yourself together and going forward from there. Sounds like it worked to me. You go girl and don't stop until you are satisfied!!!


And remember Murphy is right. Nothing is so bad that it can't get worse!!!

Posts: 1446 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Ontario, Canada
painfulpast
♀ 41038
Member # 41038
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He strings me along with promises to pay this and that, to help liquidate the business, to fix things at the house he said he already did.

Are you discussing these things with him? Or is he just saying he'll do them, and you basically ignore him. THAT would be the 180. It's not ignoring the A and acting like everything else is fine. If that's what you're doing, then are you saying he's just acting like life is just dandy despite you not engaging in conversations, not doing things with him, not asking where he's going or what he's doing, not being 'present'? If he's fine with that, DUMP HIS ASS!!!

Remember, the 180 isn't just not discussing the A. It's really living on your own, despite the presence of WS.

And detaching did NOT get you into this - he did! His selfish behaviors did. Take ownership of some of the flaws in the marriage, but never take responsibility for his cheating. There are too many alternatives, and he chose the most destructive one because it's a cheap and easy way to feel better about himself.

Your actions did NOT cause his affair.


The stones from my enemies, these wounds will mend
but I cannot survive the roses from my friends

Posts: 1898 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: East Coast
Topic Posts: 18

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