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Triggered rant (language, not for those in R)

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WinterBranch posted 6/23/2014 20:14 PM

The 180? What the hell good is it doing me? In what world do we live where the betrayed spouse is advised to put up and shut up? Are you kidding me? From now on, I am bringing the Apocalypse.

Kay...sooo...STBX refuses to get his stuff, so I am packing it up. I mark a box for pictures. I find a PICTURE OF THE MOW when she was in high school...the times the STBX hearkened back to in all his e-mails and texts and phone calls back in unicorn fart-land. I am SO destroying said picture. Please help with the method and mantra of destruction, if you please.

That. Fat. Married. Bitch. She and the WH have destroyed my world, without so much as a thought. I have never hated anyone in my life, but I'll tell ya'll...here...tonight...I have true hatred in my heart. Gonna show up to my home in the middle of the night and THREATEN me and tell me how awesome she is? Gonna tell me the bills are paid when they are ALL past due? Gonna tell me how you made a mistake, BUT YOU DON'T KNOW WHY?

Seriously? DUDE!!!! WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO REFUSE TO PAY FOR YOUR FUCK-UP? God knows, my ass is paying for it.

The gloves are off. The bitch boots are on. It's taken me 4 months, but I. Am. Done. No more nice guy. That asshole has treated me worse than I'd wish on any enemy. And I've listened to advice, I've read all the stuff in the SI yellow box...10 times over. It ain't working.

I make this vow. I will not only refuse to accept any more abuse, but also I will no longer hide what is going on from my community. I will no longer condone this behavior by not talking about it to my community. I will make it my mission that everyone who asks me where he is receives the truth.

I am slow to anger. But I am there. He better get ready. The mealy-mouthed bitch who washed his clothes, cooked his food, bought him a studio to ply his trade, payed his bills, made him a home, is GONE.

In her place is a liberated, angry, betrayed woman who don't give a damn anymore. This shit ends here. No more noncommittal responses, no more listening to his bullshit, no more enabling him to justify (to ME of all people?) why it was OK for him to tell another woman she is his true love, his fucking soulmate, and he means to be with her forever. (And he tells me this shit no matter how I non-response.)

Seriously, the 180 has not freed me in ANY way. Rather, it has enslaved me. It has made me feel less-than, that I am responsible for the outcome of the situation, and that I will somehow heal from enabling him to NOT have to face any consequences.

I DID NOT DO THIS! HE DID!

DONE and DONE. No more contact. I'll find a way to pay myself out of this financial hole. I have at the very least learned how to recognize a narcissistic abusive con-man. Lesson learned. Mischief not yet managed. But it effin' will be.

Tred posted 6/23/2014 20:17 PM

Noted.

Sounds like that felt good to get out.

brokenblackbird posted 6/23/2014 20:25 PM

DONE and DONE. No more contact. I'll find a way to pay myself out of this financial hole. I have at the very least learned how to recognize a narcissistic abusive con-man. Lesson learned. Mischief not yet managed. But it effin' will be.

This sounds like the 180 to me. You make the decisions about YOU and YOUR life. You leave him in the dust.

Your anger is your motivator right now. Use it.

Wear your bitch boots well!

Coma posted 6/23/2014 20:26 PM

Hot Darn!!

I so wish that i could get to your point. They say turn thw other cheek...Translation means get kicked while your down.

Not encouraging any violence but good luck in your stance.

painfulpast posted 6/23/2014 20:29 PM

Seriously, the 180 has not freed me in ANY way. Rather, it has enslaved me. It has made me feel less-than, that I am responsible for the outcome of the situation, and that I will somehow heal from enabling him to NOT have to face any consequences.

??? Gently, the 180 is designed for you to detach. If you're doing the 180, and basically not even speaking to him, and doing your own thing, how is that him not having consequences?

Also, again, the 180 isn't about consequences for the WS. It's about detaching for the BS.

I guess I just don't understand what happened here. But regardless, go kick his ass!!!

WinterBranch posted 6/23/2014 20:49 PM

pp--he has no consequences because he cared about naught but getting his own lazy way. He strings me along with promises to pay this and that, to help liquidate the business, to fix things at the house he said he already did. Detachment was what got me into this mess. I am not attaching to him, but I will no longer be the one who stands by and says nothing.

Detachment has sent him the message that I'm OK with it all, because I'm not seeming to be angry. He is a narcissistic asshole, after all. His payoff is continuing to string me along, so he can tell his buds what a great guy he is. BUT HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING HE SAYS HE HAS. Expecting him to behave like a person with conscience does not apply.

seenow posted 6/23/2014 20:59 PM

This is not your shame. More power to you and take care of yourself. Remember to think through the consequences of your actions, unlike him.

Stillnotoverit posted 6/23/2014 21:15 PM

Good For You!!

WinterBranch posted 6/23/2014 21:21 PM

And Tred, you're right..this feels good. I am tired of tryin' to be a LADY (you can't see me, but my mouth is all mincy and pursed-up as I typed this). I can no longer concern myself with the "greater" good nor should I exhibit restraint, so that I don't embarrass anyone. Shit on that, call a spade a spade.

Dammit, I matter. I am here, world. Restraint and manners don't work in this particular sich, and it don't suit me. Maybe at high tea. If the queen were at supper, and actually at my house. Or in a damned beauty contest. But in the struggle for my own life, nah. Screw the cocked pinkie...bring on the shit-stompers. I am stompin' said shit outta my life.

Thanks to ALL who listen. Ranting here and not IRL is a saving grace.

h0peless posted 6/23/2014 21:38 PM

It took me about four months to find my "fuck you" too. It sure is a better feeling than the wallowing. I hope you kick his ass.

Ostrich80 posted 6/24/2014 00:03 AM

Getting a good old fashioned "mad on) can do wonders. Good for you...wear those boots proudly!!! I have a feeling I'm gonna be there soon My detaching and not giving a f**k has made him think he's smarter than the average bear and I'm oblivious...nope, not oblivious, just being a scheming snake like him.Armageddon is coming fool:

gonnabe2016 posted 6/24/2014 00:24 AM

The bitch boots are on. It's taken me 4 months, but I. Am. Done. No more nice guy.

It's time to *manage the mischief*, branch.

caregiver9000 posted 6/24/2014 00:55 AM

I like the fire! Yes, you do matter!!!!

MakingMyFuture posted 6/24/2014 01:12 AM

You go girl! By all means, make you anger/hurt known and share the information with your community if you think it will help. Just make sure you don't do anything that would involve the law or come back to hurt you. Lucky for me I had a friend talk me out of doing something very damaging early on.

In terms of bitch boots. This is about remembering you are worthy of being treated well and will tolerate nothing less. Initially my WH was still defensive, irritated, and 'suffering' through MC. It took about 3 months before my rant came out in the middle of a session. It sounded something like the speech from A Few Good Men with a mild version below...

1. I always held you on a pedestal
2.You have soaked it up so much and gotten so full of yourself, you seem to have forgotten I'm an amazing woman and deserve to be on a pedestal too
3. This MC you seem to be 'suffering through' is a GIFT you didn't earn and certainly don't deserve. It is a GIFT
4. Every time you act like working on our marriage is an inconvenience you are shitting on that Gift.
5. So you can either start recognizing me and treating me like the amazing woman I am and appreciating this gift for what it is, or you can get the fxck out and I'll find someone who will treat me the way I deserve!

That was the turning point for me. Remembering who I was and deciding/knowing I would not go another day allowing someone to treat me like garbage.

So get your boots on. Just make sure in the process of wading through the crap you make sure none of it gets back on you.

stunnedmullet posted 6/24/2014 03:07 AM

Making my future - I have saved your list for when I need to use it.

Winter Branch - good on you! Soundsike an awesome place To be in! I want to tell the world most days too because everyone thinks he is this amazing guy who is such a family guy. If we weren't trying to R I would be telling everybody!

yearsofpain25 posted 6/24/2014 06:18 AM

Love the attitude WB!! Don't forget to don your spikes with those bitch boot. Keep the Louisville in check unless you are using it on something of his, not him.

devasted30 posted 6/24/2014 06:37 AM

I don't know. Hmmm, sounds like the 180 did it's thing. The 180 is about you. Not him. It's about getting yourself together and going forward from there. Sounds like it worked to me. You go girl and don't stop until you are satisfied!!!

painfulpast posted 6/24/2014 17:31 PM

He strings me along with promises to pay this and that, to help liquidate the business, to fix things at the house he said he already did.

Are you discussing these things with him? Or is he just saying he'll do them, and you basically ignore him. THAT would be the 180. It's not ignoring the A and acting like everything else is fine. If that's what you're doing, then are you saying he's just acting like life is just dandy despite you not engaging in conversations, not doing things with him, not asking where he's going or what he's doing, not being 'present'? If he's fine with that, DUMP HIS ASS!!!

Remember, the 180 isn't just not discussing the A. It's really living on your own, despite the presence of WS.

And detaching did NOT get you into this - he did! His selfish behaviors did. Take ownership of some of the flaws in the marriage, but never take responsibility for his cheating. There are too many alternatives, and he chose the most destructive one because it's a cheap and easy way to feel better about himself.

Your actions did NOT cause his affair.

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