Anyway, he tells me he met all the women( none he met in person), on a online game that you can chat and then they would go to another app for sex stuff. So, I have his account and everyday I go on trying to connect with women he may have chatted/sexted with. I want to find out what he said, what went on, etc. He tells me to stop this and to just move on....he is comitted on working on R. He has given up his iphone and now has a basic phone without apps. He did everything with his phone. Is it crazy for me to do this everyday....I am not sure what I want...I just need to know as much as possible. He tells me it was all bad....said horrible things to them about me....flirted and sexted....he doesn't understand why I am continuing doing this. Is this normal, should I stop? How do I stop? He keeps saying lets take it from here and that is in the past...not to forget, but to move forward....is that right? Thanks for listening.
It's normal...to a point. The way I see it is that you're searching for answers that he's not giving you. That's where it's normal. Anyone would do that. If he was truly committed to R then, in my opinion, he wouldn't be keeping anything else from you. Lies, even lies by omission, are damaging and controlling. By him not giving you the answers you need to heal and move forward he is controlling you and controlling your ability to make a sound decision for yourself. No has that right.
Also, because he is not forthcoming and just telling you to get over it (my husband said that to me and it makes my blood boil) you will find yourself continuing down this downward spiral. Believe me. I did it. I've been there. I had/have the fake accounts on the same online dating sites so I could track him and his activity, I had access to his emails so I could see what he was doing. I sent emails pretending to be him to women that were in his contact list to see if I could start a conversation and "pick up where they left off."
It's crazy making at it's finest. Please learn from my mistakes.
Sending you (((hugs))) and support.
Was he committed to working on R?
In the beginning it seemed like he was, but because I wasn't "getting over it" because it "wasn't as bad as what other people of have done." it just got worse from there. He still lies and keeps his secrets. He's controlling to a degree (information, money etc..) As you've seen on my profile he still goes out to his dating sites.
How long had it been?
I first D-day was June 12, 2008. It's been a series of non stop D-Day's since. The date of the first online dating site that I found goes back to 2004
I'm sorry you have to deal with this is as well. Please understand that cyber/online cheating is still cheating. Don't let him downplay it like mine did. It's still a betrayal on many levels. My husband also views porn. He had pictures on his desktop, saved to discs, he even tweets .gifs of women shaking their large chests on twitter
My husband also talks shit about the three of us to his gaming friends. I so understand what you're going through. I think I'm you in a future state, sorry to say.
If you ever need to talk, I'm just a pm away.