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User Topic: Should it make me feel better?
♀ 41655
Member # 41655
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In MC today, counsellor asked whether I could understand,that WHs insecurities about himself were a big part of why he used prostitutes. I said yes. When she asked did that make it feel better for me. I said no. It doesn't. The impact on me is enormous. Should I feel better because he was needy and made really stupid decisions about how to deal with it? Decisions that didn't consider me or our relationship? I realise he probably didn't think I'd ever find out - but I don't think that makes it any better either. Struggling to deal with the whole thing.

[This message edited by Sadjacey at 8:36 AM, June 24th (Tuesday)]

Me: BS 61
WH: 61
Married 40 years
Together more than 40
Porn use known since 2005
DDay: 11.24.12 - found emails to prostitute,
Disclosure: TT for months. Still not sure whether I have it all.
DDay 2: 2.20 2013 phone, txt to same prostitute found

Posts: 196 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 30826
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It might help you to understand WHY he did it. But I would imagine it doesn't make you feel any better. He still did it. He still lied, cheated, and betrayed you..regardless of his reasons...the pain is still the same.


FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.

Posts: 15220 | Registered: Jan 2011
♀ 39001
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you mean. I know that there are a lot of self confident people out there but, I would bet that the majority of folks have *some* insecurities. I know I do but, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to wrap my head around needing to go fuck an array of other people in order to boost my confidence.

During our very first MC just days after dday my SAWH explained that since he wasn't getting the sex he felt he needed from me, he decided to get "professional" help. No shit. He really said that. I've been having sex for longer than most of those whores have been alive so, the message to me was loud and clear that I am boring and not risky enough. As if I needed this to add to my insecurities list!

There is nothing about this that makes even the slightest of sense and, I personally think that is why it is so crazy making. My SAWH told me that he never thought about me or our family while he was placing and answering ads on CL & BP. He simply erased me from his life while he set out to prove to himself that he still "had it". The very idea that he could once again delete me from his thoughts and act so recklessly for such selfish reasons is something I don't think I will ever be able to accept. The pain I have endured because of him continues to be life altering.

Me-clueless BS
Dday - 2/19/13
I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Posts: 1015 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 33806
Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know what you mean..Nothing about my WH's insecurities and the way he decided to address them made me feel any better once I had insight into his behavior..

As the wife I was expected to meet all of my WH's needs or he felt entitled to look elsewhere... In fact my WH has threatened me with looking elsewhere ...So I struggled in the marriage pre-A and thru false R...

Frustrating because my WH was high maintenance, so needy, trying to please him was never pleasing him..

So no counselor could help me feel better, no insight into a cheater's mentality could make me feel better...In my case, I have lost all love and respect for my WH...

The only thing to make me feel better is to free myself of him..

The only thing to come out of this that makes me feel better is that I take care of myself and my needs without having to ask him permission/opinion/feedback...I no longer feel guilty for spending time/money on myself..

I have come to realize that no marriage or relationship should swallow anyone whole...

Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

60 years young..

Posts: 3929 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 4

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