Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: LonelyandUnsure

General :
Should it make me feel better?

This Topic is Archived
default

 Sadjacey (original poster member #41655) posted at 2:33 PM on Tuesday, June 24th, 2014

In MC today, counsellor asked whether I could understand,that WHs insecurities about himself were a big part of why he used prostitutes. I said yes. When she asked did that make it feel better for me. I said no. It doesn't. The impact on me is enormous. Should I feel better because he was needy and made really stupid decisions about how to deal with it? Decisions that didn't consider me or our relationship? I realise he probably didn't think I'd ever find out - but I don't think that makes it any better either. Struggling to deal with the whole thing.

[This message edited by Sadjacey at 8:36 AM, June 24th (Tuesday)]

Me: BS 61
WH: 61
Married 40 years
Together more than 40
Porn use known since 2005
DDay: 11.24.12 - found emails to prostitute,
Disclosure: TT for months. Still not sure whether I have it all.
DDay 2: 2.20 2013 phone, txt to same prostitute found

posts: 196   ·   registered: Dec. 14th, 2013
id 6846759
default

confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 2:36 PM on Tuesday, June 24th, 2014

It might help you to understand WHY he did it. But I would imagine it doesn't make you feel any better. He still did it. He still lied, cheated, and betrayed you..regardless of his reasons...the pain is still the same.

((((Sadjacey))))

BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10



..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


posts: 15220   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2011
id 6846762
default

outtanowhere ( member #39001) posted at 3:38 PM on Tuesday, June 24th, 2014

I know what you mean. I know that there are a lot of self confident people out there but, I would bet that the majority of folks have *some* insecurities. I know I do but, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to wrap my head around needing to go fuck an array of other people in order to boost my confidence.

During our very first MC just days after dday my SAWH explained that since he wasn't getting the sex he felt he needed from me, he decided to get "professional" help. No shit. He really said that. I've been having sex for longer than most of those whores have been alive so, the message to me was loud and clear that I am boring and not risky enough. As if I needed this to add to my insecurities list!

There is nothing about this that makes even the slightest of sense and, I personally think that is why it is so crazy making. My SAWH told me that he never thought about me or our family while he was placing and answering ads on CL & BP. He simply erased me from his life while he set out to prove to himself that he still "had it". The very idea that he could once again delete me from his thoughts and act so recklessly for such selfish reasons is something I don't think I will ever be able to accept. The pain I have endured because of him continues to be life altering.

Me-clueless BS Dday - 2/19/13 "This isn’t flying. It’s falling with style".Buzz Lightyear - Toy Story

posts: 1067   ·   registered: Apr. 15th, 2013
id 6846862
default

doggiediva ( member #33806) posted at 4:00 PM on Tuesday, June 24th, 2014

I know what you mean..Nothing about my WH's insecurities and the way he decided to address them made me feel any better once I had insight into his behavior..

As the wife I was expected to meet all of my WH's needs or he felt entitled to look elsewhere... In fact my WH has threatened me with looking elsewhere ...So I struggled in the marriage pre-A and thru false R...

Frustrating because my WH was high maintenance, so needy, trying to please him was never pleasing him..

So no counselor could help me feel better, no insight into a cheater's mentality could make me feel better...In my case, I have lost all love and respect for my WH...

The only thing to make me feel better is to free myself of him..

The only thing to come out of this that makes me feel better is that I take care of myself and my needs without having to ask him permission/opinion/feedback...I no longer feel guilty for spending time/money on myself..

I have come to realize that no marriage or relationship should swallow anyone whole...

Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

63 years young..

posts: 4078   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2011   ·   location: Texas
id 6846907
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250404a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy