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Newest Member: Ann201576 (49468)

User Topic: WH is in the fog. When to apply 180 ?
♂ 43570
Member # 43570
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning,

It is probably something like synchronicity that when I have started posting for a week to try to understand and heal from the emotional affair of my wife she had 9 years ago, one of our best friends couple is going through toutgh times... they are abroad.

Her WH just leave yesterday after 1 week of reflection at home...

BW is at her sister right now.. and does not have access to an internet access (believe it or not)...
My wife and I will call her today to share supports and advise.

He went trickle truth all the way... minimizing the role of the OW, a former colleague... I would bet my yearly pay that she is involved, even if he said no to BW.
Recently BH improve his clothes style, with perfume, invest in more expensive things....

He talked about the passion missing in his current life.
About his deeper himself, his true himself that he sees now...
He mentionned he wont have that with BW.

He left for his parents yesterday, not for OW..
I dont know yet if the OW is married or in a relationship... if she is, that may explain he did not go and live with her now...

I personnaly bet that he will go and meet the OW sooner or later this week....

He is clearly into the Fog....

BW is asking us what type of behaviour she must have... if she must try to contact WH.

My wife advised her to avoid any contact with him during several days or a couple weeks, which I think is a good advise.

In instantly thought about 180...
In a page describing the 180, one of the first sentence is that BW must have NC with WH after everything else have failed...

It has been only a week since DD1...
So in the pure sense, not everything has been tried...

SO, is 180 advised at this stage ? or is too drastic too early ?

After 1 week of DD, what can be the possibilities BW has in front of her...
She told him the last 24 hours through SMS that she was sad and loves him...
I know for sure that it is not the thing to do... it wont simply work 99% of time (or is it 100 % ?)

WH answered he wants to move on,
does not want to hurt her
and mentionned that the bond existing between them is not sufficient now...

BH also said last week that he needs more, way more proof of love, of affection, of tenderness, and more passion than BW can give...

comments ? he is in my mind clearly in MLC (in his 40s), and the OW triggered him into leaving BW

Mostly impossible to talk to him... he is into it...

How long can it last until he start to talk a little more 'rationnaly' based on your experience ?

We dont think talking to his parents is a good idea... they will be in jeopardy, in a bad position between both, after 15 years of relationship...

Even during NC time betweem WH and BW, would you advise BW wont even try to contact family in law, and why ?

Thx for your help, advice, and words to comfort BW.. We will pas them to her later today, and tomorrow on the phone...

We also select some articles from the Guidelines yesterday for BW, but she will only read them when having a connection again.



Posts: 12 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Canada
♂ 37777
Member # 37777
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not sure what to say. Maybe print out some of the FAQ for BS found in the healing library in the top left corner. Take a look at that. Let us know if that helps. Sounds like your the support group helping a friend through this. That's very kind of you.

ME 45
WW 50
DDay 6/13/12
Married 17 years, together 27 yrs.

Posts: 257 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: NY
♂ 37777
Member # 37777
Default  Posted: 10:23 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Double post

[This message edited by UpInTheAirNow at 10:26 AM, June 24th (Tuesday)]

ME 45
WW 50
DDay 6/13/12
Married 17 years, together 27 yrs.

Posts: 257 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: NY
♀ 30652
Member # 30652
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For your friend, I would encourage her to do the 180 immediately. He left for a week to think, has now left the martial home, and he says he wants to move on. Let him experience what that truly means.

I know it will be extremely hard for your friend so I'm very happy that you will be there for her.

As far as contacting the in-laws, it would depend on their relationship. If this was happening to me, I would contact them to just give them a heads up that he has left and why. She shouldn't get into all the details or bad mouth him, but she has every right to contact them. They might be a source of support for her.

Posts: 192 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Michigan
♂ 43570
Member # 43570
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, June 24th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thx UpInTheAirNow
I tapped into the Healing Library recently for myself... and have made a selection for the BW based on what she wrote yesterday in her several emails...

Your thoughts and advice are giving us and her a starting point...
I usually look extensively at lots of posts before posting on any forum.... so we would probably have found some advices yet...
however due to lack of time we directly decided to post a new thread...
I will take more time right now to read and understand other stories.

Thx to everybvody on the forum in general...
it has helped the last months as frequent visitors

Courage, force and faith in yourself for everybody needing a careful thought, you are in our prayers.


Posts: 12 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 5

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