Always know if the juice is worth the squeeze...
Today is my one year DDAY antiversary.
I wanted to share some stuff with those of you who are new and in pain.
One year ago today, my world fell apart. And to top if off, tomorrow is WBF birthday. So last year on DDAY, I had a huge surprise party planned for him for the next night. Oh what fun that was... (we still attended! And no one had a clue)
I understand everything you are feeling. The one person you trusted your dreams and future with has betrayed you.
In the last year I have felt, anger, pain, depression, sadness, loss, rejection and so much more. In truth, a part of me died that day. My innocence I guess. Before this experience, I never thought this could happen. Not to us. I've seen friends go through it, and strangers...but the thought of it happening to me seemed like the stuff of nightmares, something that my WBF would NEVER DO.
I'll never forget when I told my best friend what had happened, she began to cry. I asked her why was she crying?! She said "Because if he can cheat on you...I literally don't think that there's hope for anyone else". She (and I) thought WBF and I had the perfect relationship. I've since learned that they simply don't exist. And that it's an unrealistic expectation to have in any relationship. I think that's why it hurts so damn much. You have to mourn the actual DEATH of what you thought was real.
I know that you are probably feeling like you cannot possible survive this, but I am here to tell you that you can, and you will.
Do not lose hope. And do not be too hard on yourself. You will have good days, and you will have bad days (I still have bad days!!). Most importantly, It is OK to have bad days! Keep posting on SI, the support here is tremendous! I have leaned on close friends and read the healing library on SI. I got into IC as well.
Most importantly - I leaned how strong I am. Even though there were times I didn't feel strong. But looking back on the last year, I know that I am strong. I have survived. And better than that...I feel alive again.
I am here to tell you that it does get better. The heart heals.
My WBF and I are still a work in progress. I do not for one minute think I am fully healed. But I do not feel the same as I did a year ago, 6 months ago, or even one month ago.
I know everyone's journey is different, and whether you reconcile or not, you will be OK.
I know it's hard to see right now, but I hope you can find some hope in my post, even if it's just a little.
Tonight, WBF and I are going to Atlantic City to ride our jet ski's, roam the beach and gamble a little! I'm really looking forward to it.
Lastly - To SI and all its wonderful members, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I truly mean it. I do not know what I would have done without all of you. My only regret is that I didn't find you sooner!
Together 9 years
DDay: June 24, 2013