Ok your DDay is obviously new,
However, are you reading what people are responding to you. Are you waiting for someone to say- yes your AP was special.?
What are you looking for, that he didn't use you himself? Well I know that's another big piece a person has to swollaw, that really REALLY was all BS fantasy. It was a rose colored Harliquine romance story book.
I know it hurts. To face yourself with these truths, we all have been there. You look in the mirror and hope its more then you can justify it.
Sorry, its just not the truth. You allowed yourself to believe it to be true, that the words AP said are true and real. Forget them, if want to save your marriage or say have a chance to save your marriage it is your BH and yourself you need to focus on.
Through this process , my thought my beliefs have changed quite drastically.
My BH , when he dated would do a girl even though he new she had a boyfriend /or spouse , but doesn't see the wrong in that, cause it was the guys problem not is.WEll that has changed somewhat for him too. Just think what your BH thinks of your AP , I know my BH thinks my AP Is a huge POS. Now I believe anyone partaking in an affair is a POS for doing so, each person is as bad as the other.
So to keep thinking your AP was special really, chances are he doesn't have any respect for you, nor care that your family has been destroyed.
I too have been watching your posts, and I know the thoughts can get to you, perhaps some daily intense IC may be required???