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Does the respect ever come back?

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Support1107 posted 6/24/2014 14:45 PM

So I guess I'm reconciling or attempting it. I'm really struggling with respecting him at all. I view him as such a broken person and we've been talking about various things and I'm just not even sure if we have the same values anymore or if we ever did.

I often come back to whether or not this is even worth it, why should I waste anymore of my life on this crap especially after what he's put me through over the last 4 years!

Has anyone else felt like this and more importantly, did you overcome it?


Back story:
He was put on pain meds as an alternative to shoulder surgery as he has a physical job. He realized that he couldn't just quit these on his own and as an alternative to rehab he found this quack who was supposed to help him off of this quickly instead drug this out for over 2 years switching various medications and throwing in free samples of this and that here and there.

The decline into absolute hell came a year in when he was switched from Celexa to Effexor at an extremely high dose. He was slurring all of the time, leg twitching, he was often confused, all while feeling as if he were Superman. During this time he started looking at online dating websites and hooked up with a person of another race that is completely nothing he would ever even talk to let alone have sex with. My children and I were afraid and watched him go into a very dark, strange place. We removed all guns from our home and couldn't even look at him. He by accident lowered his dosage of the Effexor and finally realized he needed rehab and that is how he finally got off of it all.

My problem is that he disengaged and did all this crap while on this medication yet I got to disengage and become very very angry completely sober. I'm really trying here but dealing with all of this collateral damage is extremely difficult and I feel really, really alone!

I think I can posted 6/24/2014 16:04 PM

Yes it can. I do respect my FWH now. It takes a lot of consistent effort on the WS's part.

Skan posted 6/24/2014 18:47 PM

What you will get back is different than what you had, but you can get the feelings back. Love, respect, all of those feelings. Only, only if the WS works extremely hard and is completely open to the process of true self discovery. Without that work, no, you won't get anything back.

I am 2 years out. I love my FWH and I respect the effort that he has put into R and into us. Respect for him, as a man, as my husband, well truthfully, that's slow coming. I keep getting closer by seeing what he's done and is doing to gain my respect and to show respect to me, and by remembering that we are all flawed human beings. But I think that this will be the very last thing to come back, at least for me. (((hugs)))

hopefull77 posted 6/24/2014 20:10 PM

What scan said100%
I never stopped loving him....but now I know how much in love we truly are....it still hurts....sometimes a lot but I cant change what happened....it helps having this site and know there are smart compassionate people here on both sides to really do the deep searching and hard work ....to really understand and feel a strength you never knew you had can be liberating....survival....
my H is trying and succeeding at earning his respect back....
I've loved this man for a long time....what I thought was a deal breaker.....wasn't....he is more than appreciative of that

jjsr posted 6/25/2014 07:47 AM

I respect the work that he has done and that he continues to try.

tryingsodanghard posted 7/2/2014 11:21 AM

I respect her willingness to try. And I respect her parenting. Well, her parenting NOW.

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