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Never thought I'd be here...

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Ree555 posted 6/24/2014 14:52 PM

...but here I am. And I'm grateful to have found such a large support network. I just found out 4 days ago, though I've suspected WS's infidelity and confronted him about it for months. OW was a coworker and they had been having an emotional and physical A since April. We have been married 10 years and have three children. We have been working through the usual ups and downs of marriage over the years, and had recently decided we were ready to put the work into our marriage to make it great again. Apparently at this point WS ended the A, ready to work on our marriage. But obviously this was after the damage was already done. It all came out the other day and I've been reeling since. Trying to put one foot in front of the other for the sake of my children. We started counseling immediately, which is helping. He is remorseful and said he'd do anything to make it right. He gave me access to his cell phone, email, work schedule, anything I need. He's arranged for help with our kids and house cleaning help so that I have time to myself to process everything. He says he was in such a dark place and has learned what a terrible mistake he made. He said he's now 100% committed and wants to make this next chapter of life our best yet. He's been beyond attentive and loving, things I've been craving from him for years. In a way I'm happy to finally feel these things from him, and my children are so happy to have daddy so engaged with them, but I can't help wonder how this level of attention can possibly last long term. Or maybe it's just been such a long time since I've seen this side of him that I'm in shock...on top of dealing with all the other emotions as a result of the A. I'm a mess. My question it possible to enjoy the much deserved royal treatment (for both my kids and myself) while still making him understand the gravity of the situation and not thinking that things are just going to get brushed under the rug? Not sure I"m making any sense. To say I'm living in a fog is an understatement. Thanks in advance for your advice.

StillStanding1 posted 6/24/2014 15:00 PM

Hi Ree,

Sorry you're here, but glad you found us. This is one great group of people who will support you all through the rollercoaster you find yourself on.

First, just be kind to yourself. Stay hydrated. Get nourishment. Get sleep aids if you need them. Get enough rest and try to exercise. All of that is step one.

It sounds like your WH is doing a lot of things right and that is a good sign. Just sit back and let him do the work to prove that he is committed to being a faithful partner to you. You work on healing you.

As many will tell you, this is not a sprint, it's a marathon. The feelings of confusion and hurt will go on much longer than you want them to. There's no way around it. Allow yourself time to mourn. You will need it.

Better days are ahead. And better advice will be coming soon from other members! You've found a great place to help you through this mess and help you heal.

Keep posting. So sorry for your pain.

crosby33 posted 6/24/2014 16:32 PM

You kind of sound like me. My WS has completely did a 180. But I like you wonder how long it will last or if this changed person will be this way forever. Its a struggle and my Dday was in feb. All I can say is I do struggle with it still. It has gotten way better since Dday. If both of you are committed and work to recovery and he is truely remorseful then no matter what happiness you show him he will always know what he did to you and that guilt wont go away. He might become more in love with you how strong you will be. Hope everything works out for you. You will have bad days so just take it a day at a time.

Chinadoll30 posted 6/24/2014 16:39 PM

My situation is very similar. 3 kids and my WH was checked out for a long time pre and during the A. We are 2.5 months out and he is still very attentive. Today I was explaining to him how I will never love him in the same way again, and he said "but I still love you that way" and I had to stop myself from yelling "that's because I didn't cheat on you, you ass". Just take it a day at a time. Heal yourself, and don't worry about what he thinks. If he feels guilty, he will feel guilty no matter what, you don't have to act any certain way to remind him. And if he doesn't feel guilty, nothing you say or do will make him feel it. Worry only about yourself and your precious littles.

cantgetup posted 6/24/2014 19:56 PM

This all sounds positive. That's good. But keep watching. And be wary--there is sort of a honeymoon stage after the revelation of an A. Don't confuse this with remorse. Just keep watching and be cautiously optimistic.

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