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time2grow posted 6/24/2014 21:03 PM

With what little time I have I would normally be living over in F&G. Sadly though, I've had something jolt my life and I've been isolating for the last 12 days because of it. My brother committed suicide.

Finding myself very short with others lately so I do not know how much responding Iíll be doing. I am though searching for any suggestions on how to work my way through this shit should have anyone else been here. Thanks,

Williesmom posted 6/24/2014 21:08 PM

No suggestions, but I'm so sorry for your loss.


fireproof posted 6/24/2014 21:13 PM

I am sorry. Take care of yourself and if you need to find support through your grief.

sad12008 posted 6/24/2014 21:19 PM

(((time2grow))). I'm so very sorry. I know it's a uniquely awful kind of loss. I think one of the events that most profoundly impacted my life was the suicide of a very fun "honorary uncle" when I was a child. It seemed to be a grieving cycle of sadness, anger, guilt, again & again.

I hope someone comes along whose situation more closely parallels yours and is more contemporary; however, I'd recommend IC if it's possible. Sometimes there are support groups for survivors of suicide...your local paper may have a listing of support groups (ours does once a week). Check here, too:

Journaling and/or writing letters to your brother may be cathartic.

Just know you're not alone and also that a determined person will find a way, so if you have any feelings of guilt, try to let them go.

Wishing you peace in this time of tumult and grief.

jo2love posted 6/24/2014 21:46 PM


I am so sorry for your loss. Keeping you in my thoughts.

NaiveAgain posted 6/24/2014 21:57 PM

I lost a BIL that way. It is so senseless. It devastated the entire family. He had children.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

movingforward777 posted 6/24/2014 22:12 PM

((time2grow)) I'm so sorry for your loss. It is overwhelming and hard to try and understand why...unfortunately most times we don't know the answer to that question.
At this point I'm sure your family is reeling and trying to sort a lot of things out. Take your time, cry, share stories and remember him with the people that knew and loved him.
It may be a bit early for a grief support group, but perhaps in a while you could look into a peer driven support group. They usually have someone who facilitates it, but the bulk of the conversation comes from the participants of the group. They are usually a group of people who have suffered a loss through death, maybe even a suicide survivors group.
Suicide can be a tough one to understand. Unless there was a long standing history of mental illness or previous attempts it usually catches us off guard and is devestating for a while. Give yourself time to grieve. Perhaps start a journal. It can be as simple as writing down memories of your brother, but can also include the things you are feeling/experiencing since his death. It is a private, safe place to "unload" those feelings and unless you choose to share it with someone only yours to see. It helps to "get it out"...Perhaps a counselor would be of help to you...if there is someone you have built a relationship with in the past that you feel comfortable talking helps if they have some "grief support" experience.
At this time just go with the flow and give yourself a break.....HUGS

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 6/24/2014 22:22 PM

(((time))) I'm so sorry.

woundedby2 posted 6/24/2014 22:42 PM

(((time2grow))) I'm so sorry. What a devastating loss.

karmahappens posted 6/24/2014 23:15 PM

I am so sorry.

I cannot begin to imagine the mix of emotions and pain you are feeling.

Please take care of yourself.

nowiknow23 posted 6/24/2014 23:21 PM

Oh, honey. I'm so very sorry. (((((time2grow))))) Do you have someone you can talk with IRL? A therapist or a trusted friend? I understand the self-isolation. It's something I tend toward in times of great stress, too. I worry that given the enormity of your loss, it might be tempting to keep the world at bay.

You reaching out here is good. We're here for you in whatever way you need us to be.

Sad in AZ posted 6/25/2014 00:00 AM

I'm so sorry. I second your finding a Survivors of Suicide group. You could try your local (it may still be known as Information & Referral Services in your area). They should have a listing if there is one nearby. A good friend of mine runs such a group in Tucson, AZ. She's helped a lot of people.

Chrysalis123 posted 6/25/2014 00:33 AM

Oh no, I am so sorry for your loss. We are all here for you for any reason.

Bluebird26 posted 6/25/2014 04:42 AM

I am sorry for your loss. ((T2G))

BrokenButTrying posted 6/25/2014 05:22 AM

So sorry for your loss (((time2grow)))

yearsofpain25 posted 6/25/2014 05:43 AM

Hi time2grow. I have already sent you a pm.

I'm very sorry for your loss. My brother also committed suicide. Almost 20 years ago. It was the day after my 21st birthday. Still remember it like it was yesterday. My brother was a very kind, gentle soul. There were many reasons why my brother killed himself. He had excessively bad allergies and asthma which prevented him from doing many things, he suffered abuse from my mother, obviously he was depressed, and a controversial incident happened at school which pushed him over the edge. He was 17 and had it with life. Due to the controversial incident at school, we got to watch it all unfold in the local media (1994 no internet thank God). We had NBC, ABC, and CBS news looking for our story but we never gave it to them. My life has never been the same.

If you feel up to it, and absolutely don't feel you have to, no pressure here, let us know the type of person your brother was. Sometimes it helps to talk about it so we don't end up isolating ourselves so much. Isolating ourselves is a natural reaction to such a traumatic event. However, in isolating ourselves, we end up downward spiraling ourselves.

At one point, roughly 6 weeks after my brother's suicide, I found myself sitting on my bedroom floor. I ended up in a very dark place myself. Some of that came from isolating myself. I previously had been suicidal myself and now, to this day, was left with a tremendous amount of survivors guilt that I still have yet to deal with. It's something I'm absolutely terrified to face. While sitting on my bedroom floor I made the conscious decision that I was going to be alright. I was surrounded by drugs and had easy access to anything I wanted. I thought to myself, I could go that route, or I could be ok. I choose the later. I actually said out loud "I'm going to be ok." I want you to say it too. Out loud.

"I'm going to be ok".

It may help. Even if just for a second.

I will be thinking of you. I'm leaving for vacation with the family today but I will most certainly be around if you want to chat.

I'm very truly sorry for your loss.


[This message edited by yearsofpain25 at 5:45 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]

NaiveAgain posted 6/25/2014 06:12 AM

was left with a tremendous amount of survivors guilt that I still have yet to deal with.
That is horrible to deal with, and the guilt that comes from feeling that we could have/should have done something to stop it. Don't fall into that trap, because there is nothing you could have done - when someone is ready to commit suicide, they are going to do it and there is nothing that we could have done. I hope you aren't dealing with that but I know my other BIL and his family were all feeling that it was their fault and they should have seen it coming (they couldn't have).

Also, the anger can be scary. Can you find a counselor to help you deal with the emotions from this?

LosferWords posted 6/25/2014 06:35 AM


I am so very sorry for your loss. Know that we are here to lend an ear and provide support. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Kodi posted 6/25/2014 06:40 AM


solus sto posted 6/25/2014 07:27 AM

Oh, (((t2g))) I am so very sorry. The loss of a brother is like none other. I am so, so sorry for your pain. And for his. Much love to you and those who love him.

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