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Newest Member: Sunflower96

Reconciliation :
BWs and pms

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 Daisy312 (original poster member #36813) posted at 12:33 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

So, I'm 2 yrs out an this is a constant cycle. The week before my period, I get severely depressed n angry about the A. It's so bad I can barely function. Once I start, I'm fine again and R goes well. Anyone else go through this? Is there anything I can do? I don't want to take antidepressants daily but is there something I can take just for that week? Anything herbal? Thanks!

posts: 324   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2012
id 6848262
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rachelc ( member #30314) posted at 12:42 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

I take Lexapro for a couple days when I feel I'm going to have it. My body is sensitive to this medication and it works in a couple days. So I take about three a month...

posts: 7613   ·   registered: Dec. 6th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest
id 6848271
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Rocketqueen ( new member #38119) posted at 1:17 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

Yes! I go through the same thing month after month though my depression lasts through my period. And then I am fine.

It's awful :(

Married 6/16/01
10/25/11- trouble in the air
DDay 11/15/11 -she's "just a friend" co-worker
1/18/12 - continued contact - kicked WH out of house
1/29/12 WH admitted to PA
3/7/12 NC letter sent
Working on recovery

posts: 41   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2013
id 6848302
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confused615 ( member #30826) posted at 1:36 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

Four years out..and every month, for a few days, I am PISSED...sad..weepy...and PISSED.

I've learned that during this time I just need to stay busy...and keep my mouth shut.

BS(me)44
FWH 48
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10



..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


posts: 15220   ·   registered: Jan. 15th, 2011
id 6848318
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bionicgal ( member #39803) posted at 1:53 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

OMG, I am so with you gals... as we speak!

Exercise helps. Talking helps. Awareness helps. Would try Lexaporo. . Some months it is unbearable. But, sometimes I think they are just feelings that need to be let out. Still struggling with this myself. The anger and irritation are one thing, but it is the depression I find so hard to deal with.

[This message edited by bionicgal at 7:54 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]

me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

posts: 3521   ·   registered: Jul. 11th, 2013   ·   location: USA
id 6848344
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Exhausted in OH ( member #34340) posted at 3:09 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

This is me. I used to track my periods by chocolate cravings, now I track it by A related thoughts. Like Confused615, I try to stay busy and stay quiet.

BS 42(now 47), WH now 48
Married 15 (now 20!), together 24, 3 great kids - 17, 15,12
DD Sept 2011 - 4mo PA; on DD also admitted to ONS in 2007
R going well
And now I realize...- Me online EA - old college friend
No longer exhausted nor in OH

posts: 459   ·   registered: Dec. 30th, 2011   ·   location: California
id 6848442
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 Daisy312 (original poster member #36813) posted at 8:35 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

Thanks ladies! I run and lift so the exercise isn't working. I think I will look into lexapro though. I have an ic and h has asked if I wanted to talk to the psych for meds. I like that it's something I could use as needed.

posts: 324   ·   registered: Sep. 12th, 2012
id 6848901
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sunvalley ( member #42952) posted at 8:40 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

Omg Ithought it was just me. The As seem unbearable during PMS. Emotional rollercoaster at its peak! Also noticin a trend of heart palps during PMS that could be stress linked? I have looked up some natural supplements for pms and am thinking I willgo that route. Cant say I was a big pms sufferer prior to dday...now I get why men get scared of pms! Haha

Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs came from multiple onlines
Possible SA

posts: 912   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014
id 6848913
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LA44 ( member #38384) posted at 8:53 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

I have always had mood swings during this time but of course, the A has exacerbated the sitch. I now chart my cycle. Day 19, I am BRUTAL. I am also brutal on Day 27 and 28. I wish I could just check into a motel! Still, I am REALLY trying to be conscience of what I am saying/doing and how I thinking bc thoughts can be so negative most the time anyway - they rev up during this time.

My Naturopath has me taking the B vitamins with a focus on B6. With B6 there is also the need to take B2 as the two work together. You can always get a multi B with some B6 on the side. The B's help us feel better. Increasing Magnesium is also supposed to help.

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

posts: 3442   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2013   ·   location: Canada, eh
id 6848941
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LA44 ( member #38384) posted at 8:55 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

t/j

Also noticin a trend of heart palps during PMS that could be stress linked?

If you keep getting heart palps sunvalley, you might want to have your thyroid checked. Mine usually does this around this time as well and I am on meds for hypothyroidism.

Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

posts: 3442   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2013   ·   location: Canada, eh
id 6848947
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seethelight ( member #43513) posted at 8:56 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

Two years out and I still get angry, sad, upset periodically.

I never had PMS, so I don't think it's that.

For me, it's triggers.

I was diagnosed with post infidelity PTSD, and I was told that the triggers will always bring back the sadness and anger and it will be as intense as dday.

The good news is that apparently the episodes will be shorter and shorter over time, and I do find that to be true.

I used to be affected for days after a trigger, than hours and then minutes.

But the trigger always initiates a very intense response, that wanes more quickly with time.

“If two people truly have feelings for one another then they don’t have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

posts: 1516   ·   registered: May. 23rd, 2014
id 6848949
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sunvalley ( member #42952) posted at 9:23 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

Thanks LA....had thyroid issues in past but naturopath got them under control. PmDD can cause heart palps tooas can dehydration and stress. Just monitoring this month. If they cobtinue I will go in...would explain the 20lb weight gain too!

Dday July 2013
Me: BW mid 30s
Him: WH mid 30s
4PAs came from multiple onlines
Possible SA

posts: 912   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2014
id 6848985
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918Mama ( member #37756) posted at 11:06 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

I don't know what you ladies are talking about! I NEVER get PMS and am a model of maintaining my emotions at all times.

Surrender to what is. Let go of what was. Have faith in what will be. -- Sonia Ricotti

posts: 631   ·   registered: Dec. 9th, 2012
id 6849125
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Scubachick ( member #39906) posted at 11:15 PM on Wednesday, June 25th, 2014

Yes!!! Dealing with this as we speak! We have 2 maybe 3 good weeks and then bam...all my unresolved questions and feelings come out with vengence and I cry...a lot! I even get on my own nerves.

posts: 1825   ·   registered: Jul. 23rd, 2013
id 6849135
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TheGivingTree ( member #43672) posted at 12:58 AM on Thursday, June 26th, 2014

Count me in on this fun little club! I didn't notice it, but FWH brought it to my attention.

Me: FBW, 50. Him: SAFWH, 59
3 fantastic kids: DS 18, DS 17, DD 12
DDay 1: 1/8/13, multiple DDays with TT for an entire year.

Working hard at R. No, strike that. I give up. We're heading for D.
If all you wanted was love, why would you use

posts: 198   ·   registered: Jun. 10th, 2014   ·   location: San Francisco
id 6849212
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MakingMyFuture ( member #43530) posted at 7:47 AM on Thursday, June 26th, 2014

So I have been pretty consistent my entire life. 2 Days before I start, I am on the prowl for sex. 1 Day before I start I find myself a little upset about something...maybe a tear wells up. Next morning, my sentence gets punctuated.

Post A:

3 Days before = Depressed/Hate my WH

2 Days before = Ranting/Laying on the Floor sobbing

1 Day before = same floor in bigger pile of tears and snot

I suggested to my WH that we both need to start putting a 3 day alert on our calendars. So I'm more selective in what I say, so he is more sensitive to my feelings, and so we both don't get hurt more.

When people show you who they really are, believe them - Maya Angelou

BW: 43 (me) WH: 42 (him)
DD-13, DS-11
DDay 1 = 1/13, DDay2 = 7/14 (False R), D 4/15

posts: 1128   ·   registered: May. 25th, 2014   ·   location: SoCal
id 6849499
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Furious1 ( member #42970) posted at 12:28 PM on Thursday, June 26th, 2014

Count me in. The three days prior to my period are a total nightmare. I truly hate it. I am super sensitive to A triggers during that time. I cry. I rage. I feel like a monster. The day before I get my period, I become completely preoccupied with thinking about sex.

Once Aunt Flo visits, it's like the cloud lifts and I am able to think clearly again. It all makes me feel like a prisoner of my hormones.

BW (me): 46
2 adult kids
D-day: 10/4/13.
Divorced

posts: 7036   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 6849581
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BrokenheartedWif ( member #40955) posted at 3:32 PM on Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014

I've noticed the same thing. Thoughts, anger, etc. get worse just before as the hormones escalate.

He claims he loved me the whole time of his LTA. I'm not sure I'll survive his kind of love. Whorena The Cumdumpster pretended to be my friend the entire time as well. I'll take an enemy any day of the week.

posts: 934   ·   registered: Oct. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Central IN
id 6857484
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jo2love ( member #31528) posted at 3:47 PM on Wednesday, July 2nd, 2014

Have you tried upping your calcium 3-4 days before your cycle starts? It is supposed to help with pms. I found a smoothie that helps me. I tend to get super tired. It has lots of vitamins, calcium, iron. Maybe check with your dr and if needed have routine lab work done.

posts: 51035   ·   registered: Mar. 16th, 2011
id 6857515
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