First of all, you are NOT pathetic, and all of us are confused. You have found a safe place here, and will get lots of good advice. I'm fairly new here myself, so don't like to do a lot of advising, but go the the healing library (yellow box upper left) and read the BS FAQ's; lots of good information in there. Also, read about the 180, many many people recommend it, I'm still on the fence about it myself, but it should be read.
You are so newly married, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I am older than my husband too; sometimes they seem so immature to us, don't they? He is behaving selfishly and immaturely right now, but that doesn't mean you can't save things if you both truly want to.
I highly recommend the book "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair". Read it first, highlight like crazy, and then give to him to read.
Keep posting here, others with more experience than me will be along shortly. I'm so sorry for your pain, we've all been here and know exactly how you feel. You will get through this, I promise you!