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What your thought just needing a check

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Joanh posted 6/25/2014 14:33 PM

So lately I have been having these weird thoughts ideas feeling.

I am okay, I am proud of myself and I like myself and I accept myself.

I want to shout it. I want to share it, Its like this energy inside of me saying its okay, LIVE!

My depression, times of self pity, my triggers, my feelings of self doubt, shame, anger. I know where its coming from and I know what to do.

I think I am actually trusting myself, I think I am finding my voice, my grounding.

Am I proud of the things I have done, No. I am ashamed for those things in my life. The realization is, I can't change it. It is. Its part of me, and I embrace that, I know why that part of me did what I did, I know the negative and I know the positive side. WEird yes , the human mind is insane really.

I get it. Do I wish it had been different, yes.

I just at this moment and time have a sense of peace, in all the craziness that is going around me. I realized I guess, I am not going to old coping, as soon as I feel them I change them. I am aware of my self. And it makes me cry with loveand acceptance.

I don't remember ever feeling this way.

Thank you for listening.

BrokenButTrying posted 6/25/2014 15:12 PM

Well done Joan, this is fantastic.

Savour it, take pride and joy in your inner peace. Know that you got here with hard, hard work.

You deserve this, I'm really happy for you!

somethingremorse posted 6/25/2014 16:05 PM

That is great. You deserve to feel proud. You are going through so much, and doing it the right way is an achievement.

20WrongsVs1 posted 6/25/2014 19:11 PM

Awesome!

Thanks for sharing this.

rsf2013 posted 6/26/2014 09:23 AM

Joanh, this is good to hear. Have you forgiven yourself? If so, what does that mean to you? I'm struggling with that piece. I wonder if it even matters to get forgiveness from anyone except the BS.

dana47 posted 6/26/2014 09:32 AM

Fighting what I call the demons is the to7ghest part. I keep reminding myself I am making changes for the better. I look at how my choices have changed me and others around me and I don't like it. I need to get back to a place of self acceptance. Keep fighting the good fight.

EvolvingSoul posted 6/26/2014 10:30 AM

Jooooooanh!

I am smiling. So happy you are tasting some fruits of your very conscious and considerable efforts. You be brain rewiring! And it's working!

Breathe it in. Remember this feeling. Proceed with valor and conviction.

Proud of you.

Joanh posted 6/26/2014 10:53 AM

Thanks all, Now to hold onto this :-)

Embarking on a new life it feels like. I so appreciate and grateful for everything I have and for my Husband and my family, I can only hope some day, I show and fill my my husband will this love and life I feel for him , our children and myself.

We both have paid and are paying still a huge heartache. I hope I can help continue to ease that pain .

Thank you all my SI's for your 2x4 and the support. BS and WS you all have been so helpful. You have kept me strait and helped me look deeper, Thank you. I can only hope I can do what you have done for me , for others.

ImSorry11 posted 6/26/2014 15:44 PM

Thank you for sharing! This gives me hope. One day I hope to reach this level of forgiveness, self love & acceptance.

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