I have been so incredibly lucky these last months. I just wanted to acknowledge that.
My BW has given me a chance, I am still at home with my family.
I messed up so many things at work during my bad years. I just found another one yesterday that could have been bad -- like malpractice bad. But today my client showed me a solution. That is kind of the inspiration for this topic.
I know that my inlaws or the APs or their BHs could have made all sorts of problems for me, at home or work or the community. Those would have made it much harder to heal. So far, none of that has happened. People who know have been supportive, and people who suspect anything have been quiet.
I'm lucky that I have the financial resources to get IC and MC, and get ADs, and that I found really great ones to help. I have the flexibility to go to therapy without risking my job (much, anyway).
I'm lucky that my BW has chosen to remember the person I used to be, and see the person that I am determined to become, and accept how badly I lost my way in between. She is taking a huge chance on me. I know that she now realizes she is strong enough to walk away if she wanted to. I am so lucky that she is using that strength to stay.
I don't know why I'm posting this. I know a lot of people here have worked so hard, but haven't been as lucky as me. I know that very few people here have f***ed up as badly as I did. So many people here have helped me -- another way I have been lucky. I just want to acknowledge the grace I have received. I do not deserve it. I will never take it for granted.