Thank you to all who read this. I was a lurker for about a year before joining, and this is my first real post.
My WH is a diagnosed SA. We have been together for 20 years, married for 18. I did not find out about his SA until January, 2013. I found out by going to Gmail on the computer at the business we both own, and found an email exchange from a woman he was having an EA with when the email application opened. I confronted, he lied, then we spent the next year with him finally coming clean about PA with a different woman that he met on Craigslist, scanning behaviors, dating sites, etc.... I found photos of him on dating sites, and photos he sent to many OW of his genitals.
We are both in counseling, he is going to SA meetings, and has been sober for almost 18 months. He did hit bottom when I nearly committed suicide due to all of this crap. I do not believe he is acting out. I am working on learning how to trust him again. We are working hard at keeping us together. I do love him.
This morning I am at home, cleaning out some junk as we are about to do a remodel, and I have some stuff I can't donate, so I was going to post it on our neighborhood Yahoo group to see if anyone wanted it before I threw it away. When I opened Yahoo Groups, his account was already logged on, and I saw a group I had never heard of. I know this is his account, because the other Yahoo groups that I know he is a member of (like our kid's school group) were there as well. I went to look at it, and it was a porn group, complete with a very graphic picture that reminded me of the pictures I found on Dday. I went into the mail for this account, found a Yahoo email address I had never heard of, with an attached phone number I had never seen. I called the number, which is in Detroit (we live in CA), and it was disconnected. I confronted WH, and he had a logical explanation for the Yahoo account. Said he hasn't been in that account for years (backed up by tons and tons of spam, no sent mail, no trash in the account). I am trying to trust but verify. I spent an hour plus looking through the account, and found nothing suspicious.
I discussed with WH, and he made this all about him. I tried to explain that I needed to talk, and all he could do was justify his current behavior, say that he wasn't doing anything, and that he wasn't to blame for how I was feeling. I told him I begged to differ with him, as all of how I am feeling is the result of his infidelity and SA. I was not like this before.
I do believe he is being truthful, but I am triggering big time. I feel like I keep getting punched in the gut. I am now diagnosed with PTSD from this, am already on antidepressants, and have anti-anxiety meds to take when needed. I exercise regularly, try to eat right, and don't drink excessively. I just can't keep finding this kind of stuff. I feel like it will never end. MC says 2-5 years for recovery, and I am pretty sure I'm on the 5 year plan. What else can I do to make sure this doesn't keep happening. I don't want to find anything else that WH forgot about. BS & WS welcome to post.
Thank you.
Me: FBW, 50. Him: SAFWH, 59
3 fantastic kids: DS 18, DS 17, DD 12
DDay 1: 1/8/13, multiple DDays with TT for an entire year.
Working hard at R. No, strike that. I give up. We're heading for D.
If all you wanted was love, why would you use