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When my divorce is final, I would love to go after the OW who stole our marital money. Granted WH gave her thousands of dollars through money and gifts. We plan on using all that when dividing up marital property to settle but thinking out loud here. Can I still get the money back from her? Or am I searching for a revenge that isn't there. I so took the high road on this so far. I asked SI a few weeks ago about telling OW family and I didn't. There is so much to this still that will come out during discovery. I just wonder if I can or not.

You can only recover once. So if significant marital money was spent on the OW, in my state at least, that can certainly be recovered during the divorce. Once you have settled that with STBX, you don't get a second chance to go after the same money from OW. STBX misappropriated the money, not her.

Alienation of affection is available in a small number of states if you really want to sue her. You would have to speak to a lawyer in your state to learn more about it, if it's available where you are. I've heard that's a tough one to win, though.

I discussed with my lawyer when we filed. She stated we could get it back and she would file something during our process here. Then she discussed also when dividing up marital assets it can be used. So not sure if that's two different things. I do plan on talking to her more our next meeting next week. I guess I was wondering if I don't get the money back but I get more of our marital items instead, can I still go after her? I wouldn't if WH actually gives me the thousands back. Sorry if this is confusing. It just bothers me so much that she messed up a family and gets to go on with her life while we are forever changed.

I have seriously considered going after the main OW legally, not for misappropriated money, but for adultery. In my state, adultery is actually a crime (class 4 misdemeanor). It's hard to prove and basically get a slap on the wrist, but it's the principle of the thing! And yes, her spouse can also press charges against my STBX. That's kind of a bonus for me.

However, I've decided that it is more attention than she deserves from me.

Yes I did-read my story. After 3 years as we were going to court she settled

Thanks for sharing your story. I want to look more into it or the crime of adultery! Illegal in my state too. I have been so silent so far but in the end I want her to walk away with even a slap on her wrist. She can't just get away with it I feel.