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Flatlined123 posted 6/26/2014 04:59 AM

We tried marriage counseling shortly after dday. It was a disaster. H still had his head in the fog. I didn't know it at the time but he was still seeing AP. It was just a disaster.

So here we are, 5 years later and I was curled up in a ball yesterday morning sobbing. I told H I needed us to go.

It's been so hard because I'll feel better and things are going good, then something will set me back. Talk about two steps forward, one back. Sometimes it's more like three back.

We live VERY rural. The closest one is a hour away. This is going to be a challenge

authenticnow posted 6/26/2014 05:36 AM

Good luck, Flatlined. I hope you get what you need from MC and that getting there isn't too much of a challenge.

jo2love posted 6/26/2014 11:34 AM

(((Flat)))

I'm sorry you are struggling. I hope the MC helps.

Rebreather posted 6/26/2014 11:37 AM

You gotta do what you gotta do, hon. I hope it works for you. What is it that you are looking for? Would IC be more beneficial? I hope you find some cure for your pain soonly.

Flatlined123 posted 7/1/2014 15:58 PM

Rebreather, I was doing some thinking about this and was wondering the same thing.

I think I want to be heard. I really don't think H understands how deeply he hurt me. He didn't just do a slap down with the A. He continued the A while he SAW me struggle and he just kept lying to me. That was the equivalent to seeing me on the ground and instead of trying to help me up he just kept kicking me and pushing me back down with the lies and his actions at the time.

I thought I forgave him. I do forgive him for the A. I know he was so messed up at the time. I saw it and I understsnd that. I don't think I have forgiveness for the hurt he caused me. Hurt is putting it mildly. He devastated me and took my life as I knew it and threw it away. I was powerless. I had no say in what was happening. I just had to deal with it.

H issues took precedence over mine at the time. I never got to deal with this. I just had to muddle through it, because he was falling apart.

I'M ANGRY!!! And it's all his fault!!
I'm not the same person. I couldn't fall apart and grieve my M because H was on the verge of a breakdown and my kids were scared. I didn't only get cheated on, I got cheated out of the life we were supposed to have.

He's on the right path now and he's agood husband, but I still have the issues he caused me and they're unresolved because there wasn't ever time for me to deal with them. They just got pushed under the rug and covered up. He was doing the right stuff so it was all good. Right? NOT!

I'm hoping a MC can help me deal with the anger, show H that I have it and express it in a way that will be constructive.