Rebreather, I was doing some thinking about this and was wondering the same thing.
I think I want to be heard. I really don't think H understands how deeply he hurt me. He didn't just do a slap down with the A. He continued the A while he SAW me struggle and he just kept lying to me. That was the equivalent to seeing me on the ground and instead of trying to help me up he just kept kicking me and pushing me back down with the lies and his actions at the time.
I thought I forgave him. I do forgive him for the A. I know he was so messed up at the time. I saw it and I understsnd that. I don't think I have forgiveness for the hurt he caused me. Hurt is putting it mildly. He devastated me and took my life as I knew it and threw it away. I was powerless. I had no say in what was happening. I just had to deal with it.
H issues took precedence over mine at the time. I never got to deal with this. I just had to muddle through it, because he was falling apart.
I'M ANGRY!!! And it's all his fault!!
I'm not the same person. I couldn't fall apart and grieve my M because H was on the verge of a breakdown and my kids were scared. I didn't only get cheated on, I got cheated out of the life we were supposed to have.
He's on the right path now and he's agood husband, but I still have the issues he caused me and they're unresolved because there wasn't ever time for me to deal with them. They just got pushed under the rug and covered up. He was doing the right stuff so it was all good. Right? NOT!
I'm hoping a MC can help me deal with the anger, show H that I have it and express it in a way that will be constructive.