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General :
Does "Hope" = Gullibility?

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 laid2waste (original poster member #20474) posted at 11:28 AM on Thursday, June 26th, 2014

I've been reading through my journal entries here and I'm both amused and appalled.

I was so full of hope that we were going to get past the betrayal and make our marriage work the way it should have that I became gullible.

Back then, I loved him with everything I had and would do just about anything to keep our marriage. I allowed him so much slack. I gave him more chances than any one person ever deserves. I overlooked so many things that should have screamed at me to run away and never look back.

Hind sight is always 20/20. I wish present sight and fore sight was just as vivid and accurate - I could have saved myself a lot of frustration and aggravation.

D-day: 6/20/08, 7/15/08
ME: BS/43
HIM: WS/41
OW#1: 44 YO - EA/PA lasted over a year!
OW#2: 55+ YO - PA/EA approx 8 months
STATUS: Spent 6 years trying to recover. I moved out; finally recovering nicely.

posts: 135   ·   registered: Jul. 31st, 2008   ·   location: Western Wisconsin
id 6849545
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Furious1 ( member #42970) posted at 12:39 PM on Thursday, June 26th, 2014

I don't think so. For me, my hope for the future has taken a major shift. For too long, my hope for the future revolved around the hope that my marriage would work out. Now I realize that whether my marriage does or does not work out, my hope for the future revolves around me. One way or another, I will survive this painful chapter of my life and be a better person for it, with or without my WH. I don't see that as gullible. I see it as sheer determination. I've been through a lot of crap in my life and I have seen the worst side of human nature. I survived it and I will survive this too.

BW (me): 46
2 adult kids
D-day: 10/4/13.
Divorced

posts: 7036   ·   registered: Apr. 2nd, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 6849587
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need_hope ( member #23989) posted at 1:29 PM on Thursday, June 26th, 2014

I think if hope isn't tempered with a good dose of reality it has the ability to turn into gullibility. I know because I lived it. I wasn't gullible about what he was doing - I was tracking him as he was doing it. My blindness was in believing him capable of admitting he has a problem and committing to fixing himself. Once I finally admitted those things to myself, my decision was clear.

Me - happily engaged to a wonderful man
XWS - no longer matters


Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.
Don't fuck with me, I fuck back.

posts: 1999   ·   registered: May. 13th, 2009   ·   location: East Coast
id 6849625
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WeepingBuddhist ( member #39139) posted at 1:57 PM on Thursday, June 26th, 2014

Hope for another person's behavior when that person has demonstrated that s/he does not value you? yep, that is gullibility, IMHO.

Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

posts: 978   ·   registered: Apr. 30th, 2013   ·   location: BFE
id 6849662
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 laid2waste (original poster member #20474) posted at 11:44 PM on Thursday, June 26th, 2014

That's exactly what I meant, WB.

I was gullible for 6 years... which makes me feel pretty stupid too.

And the light switch was right there the whole time - all I had to do was turn it on and find the door.

D-day: 6/20/08, 7/15/08
ME: BS/43
HIM: WS/41
OW#1: 44 YO - EA/PA lasted over a year!
OW#2: 55+ YO - PA/EA approx 8 months
STATUS: Spent 6 years trying to recover. I moved out; finally recovering nicely.

posts: 135   ·   registered: Jul. 31st, 2008   ·   location: Western Wisconsin
id 6850656
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