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Wh wants a ring, but no sex?

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heartbroken2012 posted 6/26/2014 07:41 AM

I am down in the dumps.

WH NEVER wants sex...and its getting to me. I already feel worthless and ugly and fat and not sexy because he had an A, but now he never wants to have sex. I try....but no. The past couples times he has made faces when I suggest it. Last night I tried again, but no. Its really starting to get to me and my self image and self worth.

So last night while we lay in bed....WH tells me that he wants a wedding ring?!

When we first got married I bought him one, engraved on the inside "Heartbroken2012 & WH forever", but since I had to buy it while he was in England it was a little big. He wore it tho....he wore it up until he worked at my work (where he met the OW). He said he couldnt wear it because of the gloves etc.

He had an A.

After he confessed, he bought me a new ring "to symbolize a new beginning and to show how he is committed to me and loves me"....I guess he wanted to prove to me him fucking another woman was over.

And my condition was...he get one to and WEAR IT. Well its been 2 years and he still doesnt wear one, and every time I bring it up he says we dont have the money.

So now he wants one.

I am just so tired of feeling this way, and a lot of people have offered up the idea of D, and I just cant. DESPITE everything, I still love him and knew he was the ONE the moment we met. I love him, but I am so heartbroken. I still cant accept what he did, and I am so hurt by it. And now him not wanting sex just makes me feel horrible about myself. I used to feel special that he chose me and I was the ONLY american he wanted and had been with.

My feelings of this havent changed in 2 years.

Im just down in the dumps. Always.

lieshurt posted 6/26/2014 07:44 AM

I just cant.

Yes, you can. You just won't. There is a difference.

He treats you like crap. Ask yourself why you are so determined to stay with somebody who does. What do you get out of it? You have to get something. Otherwise, you wouldn't be staying. It isn't about love either.

confused615 posted 6/26/2014 07:53 AM

HS2012...I think the reason he won't have sex with you has nothing to do with you at all. It's all about him..he is withholding sex to punish you. Because sex was making you cry. It's about controlling you. He is withholding affection because you're not over this yet. It's about manipulating you into stuffing your feelings about his affair deep down and allowing him to rugsweep his affair..and post affair behavior.


Withholding affection.



He is an abusive asshole. He isn't going to suddenly find remorse and feel bad and make the changes you need in order to feel safe with him.

2x4 coming....

Find you bitch boots. Stop allowing this asshole to treat you as if you are nothing. Stop allowing him to model this behavior in front of your children. I don't know if you have a boy or a girl, but your sons will think this is how you treat a woman...and your daughters? This is what they will grow up and choose..they will find a man who abuses them because to them, this is normal. Why are you allowing him to make you feel this way? You survived just fine without him, and you will be fine without him in the future. You are a strong, intelligent, kind, compassionate woman. Stop being a doormat. Stop accepting that it's ok for your husband to say "fuck you" and flip you off. Stop accepting his lies about porn. Stop allowing him to hurt you.

You deserve better. You won't find it with him.


[This message edited by confused615 at 7:54 AM, June 26th (Thursday)]

deena04 posted 6/26/2014 10:25 AM

Here is my two cents: 180 him hard! Act happy and tell him you don't care about sex. If he sees it, he may have to work for it hardcore. It may spark an interest. Let him earn you back.

EvenKeel posted 6/26/2014 13:34 PM

From your profile:

Over xmas she tried to tell my husband not to have sex with me, and declared her love for him...

I would think ^^this^^ from your profile is what is playing in your mind each time he refuses.

Ostrich80 posted 6/26/2014 17:41 PM

I understand how much it hurts, how it destroys your self-esteem, how it makes you feel that there's something about you he isn't attracted to. He knows too, he knows what he's doing to you. I agree with the others, its a control thing, if he is indeed, NC. You shouldn't have to beg your ws for sex, or get a "face". My ws didnt refuse me but he was not interested and I decided I was not going to play the game. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be intimate with me. It's not the time to file yet but I'm doing my best to detach. Those days are over where I'm waiting for any bit of affection he may
toss my way. I don't even get undressed in front of him anymore.. I can't handle that type of rejection anymore and shouldn't have to. If he doesn't want to f**k me, fine, cuz I.don't want his ass either.
This guys hurting you by withholding sex...and he knows it. Don't buy him a ring, he doesn't deserve it. I see heartbreak ahead for you with him. I'm sorry, I know you love him and it won't be easy, but try to detach so he can't hurt you anymore.

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