Hi there,
I'm going to put my BS hat on for a moment and share my experience with you.
My first d day came after 38 hours of torturous misery and basically tricking my WH into thinking I had more info than I did.
My second d day came a few weeks after, and it nearly killed me. He, too, lied in MC.
I was pregnant at the time, I kicked him out and we were in limbo for almost two years. Just recently, I've decided to reconcile with my H. It didn't happen magically, or over night. It has taken a ridiculous amount of blood, sweat and tears. And we still have a long way to go. This is my advice to you...
1. Write a specific timeline. Everything you can remember about your infidelity including dates, places, people. Include anything and everything you can think of including inappropriate contact. I like the quote "if you're not sure if it's cheating, ask your spouse." Anything...texts with women that you've deleted, porn, other EA/PAs you haven't disclosed yet, etc.
2. Once you've written out the exhaustive list (and please, for your wife's sake, do not omit details because you don't want to hurt her. That ship has sailed) let your wife know that you have this timeline and are willing to give it to her if she wants to see it. It might be too painful for her in the short term so let her decide when she's ready.
3. 100% transparency. Hand over access to all email accounts, passwords to phones/apps/etc. if you opened accounts on dating sites, tell her. If you have old messages, make them available IF she wants to see them. No deleting text messages, emails, phone logs, chat logs, etc. he who has nothing to hide, hides nothing.
4. Goes without saying but honesty ties into the transparency. She asks a question, you give the answer. Don't tiptoe around or try to soften the blow. Let her be the judge of how much information she wants but no more lying. Ever.
5. Get into IC. Work on owning your shit. Post here. Take the tough feedback. Do the work and figure out why you allowed yourself to make these choices.
6. Give your wife the space she needs and be willing to do the things she asks that makes her feel safe. GPS on the phone? Check. Sending pictures of where you are at and who you are with? Absolutely. Whatever it takes.
7. Recognize she's been through an awful trauma and will be in shock. She may ask the same questions over and over. Answer them kindly. Remember...you are the one who did this to her. If there's ever a chance of reconciliation in the future, you must be the kind of person she can learn to feel safe with. Yelling, being evasive, getting frustrated...that won't help your chances.
Beyond that, take each day as it comes and try not to think too much about what the future holds. Work on becoming the kind of person you can be proud of. Give her the space to heal and decide what she wants (she may chance her mind 1,000 times. Hang in there). For heavens sake, don't pressure her. If she's going to leave, that's her choice. You've already made yours. Just know that this is a long and winding road. If you work on the things above, that should occupy your time enough where you aren't pressuring her and where you are getting healthier. Hang in there...