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Need help, helping kids cope

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kamster posted 6/26/2014 18:06 PM

Married 23yrs. DD Christmas night 2013. WS been on the fence for six months. Works with OP. Served me the killer blow last night. Does not wish to R, wants OP.
Three kids. 14 yr daughter who knows something is going on. 10 yr old boy girl twins, totally unaware.
I am heartbroken for this situation and for what my kids are about to face.
Any advice on the child perspective and how best to help them would be greatly appreciated.

nekorb posted 6/26/2014 18:21 PM

(((Kamster)))

I'm so sorry you're here. It is such a devastating blow.

My kids are a bit older than yours. I told them the truth. Oldest (19) said she was getting ready to ask if there was an A. They had no clue.

It's been hard. They've all taken it differently. Two are in counseling. The other one went briefly and was determined to be handling everything really well.

Someone will be along with kids closer in age to yours with more pertinent advice, I'm sure.

PurpleRose posted 6/26/2014 19:05 PM

I have a 14 and an 11 also.

They were 8 and 11 on dday.

I have been the constant for the kids- the Doosh left and I stayed. They know that I will answer questions honestly. I will tell them age appropriate information. They can count on that from me.

I also let them know ALL the time that I can take care of us, and we are going to be fine. They don't need to worry about where we will live, school, food, safety, etc. those were the major concerns my kids had.

I spent a lot of time sad, and let them see that I was sad. The were sad too. But also made sure we had fun together making new things happen.

All of my kids know the truth now about the affair.

Gemini71 posted 6/26/2014 19:55 PM

My DD17 knows most of it. There was no getting around it because her counselor and I had to ask her if Dipshit had ever been 'inappropriate' with her.

DS12 Didn't really want to talk about it at all, so I just gave him the "When people get married they make promises to each other. Daddy/Mommy broke those promises and thinks we'll be happier apart." I suspect he has heard most of the story from DD17. Someday I'll have to sit him down for a serious talk. But until then, he just seems to be going with the flow.

DS8 wasn't even sure what a D was. He got the same speech as DS12. He was really worried about practical things like "Who will teach me how to use a printer?" At his age he just wants things the way they always have been, but he is adjusting. DS8 is much more likely to ask questions and bring things up out of the blue. I just answer him the best I can and reassure him that I love him and that will never change.

I firmly believe that kids know when something is wrong. If you do not give them the truth, or an age appropriate version of it, they will imagine it's something even worse.

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