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Newest Member: byes329 (61868)

User Topic: Feeling left behind
♀ 41740
Member # 41740
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is doing so great. He has this great new job that he loves, he's back to working out and eating right, he's having all these spiritual awakenings and moments of clarity… He's trying his best to be supportive and really learn about how his As have affected me...

Then there's me. I feel stuck. Happy for him that he's doing so well but I have this background hum of sadness that never seems to go away… I wish I could join him on this high, but I just feeling kinda stuck in the mud.

This mood may be influenced my the fact that today is our 15th wedding anniversary, maybe I will feel differently tomorrow…? I know I can't speed up healing but I am just so sick of all of this.

Thanks for letting me vent...

BS 39
fWH 38
DDs 19,16,11


Posts: 139 | Registered: Dec 2013
♀ 43221
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can I say happy anniversary and not insult you?
I try hard to focus forward....
I always enjoyed celebrating our anniversary....
hell we had 2 during his A....
the last 2 have been nice....a nice evening at home cooking our favorite meal.....
forward motion's so easy to go backwards
I wish you peace....

3 adult children 1D 2S
LTA 2010-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful

" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now." R.R

Posts: 2532 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
♀ 42975
Member # 42975
Default  Posted: 9:14 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel the same way. I told WH about how I feel and he has assured me that he is trying not to make it about him but he feels awful every day. He is trying to make it about me healing but I explained to him that I do need to know he still thinks about it and still hurts too.

Unfortunately I think the BS is always going to be further behind in the healing

DD April Fools Day 2014 (unfortunately no joke)

BS (me) 40
WH 38
OW - a friend of WH for 5 years

4 month EA which turned into a 5 month PA

married 19 and 7 kids

He has now decided he can't do it anymore and left

Posts: 366 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Australia
♀ 40547
Member # 40547
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HOPEFUL: as your name suggests...great comments...Yes, trying to focus forward...yes, it gets me a bit that HE is or seems to be much happier place though I know he knows I hurt at times. But of course, I DO NOT want him unhappy and stressed..this is the situations around the affairs! SO I try to keep forward ... struggling these days...bit of a setback...forward, forward, forward...I deserve to be happy and I can control my thoughts and thus feelings...just keep swimming, just keep swimming.....

Affairs - hard on us both - but love will win.
Me: BS 57
Him: WS 64
Married 34 yrs.
dday TT from 12/2012-2/2013)...

Posts: 341 | Registered: Sep 2013
♀ 38597
Member # 38597
Default  Posted: 8:14 AM, June 27th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've had conversations about this too. Just last week I was telling him how unfair it is that he used my pain as his starting point for self improvement.
He reassures me again and again that he is doing this for himself and for me/family. He makes it clear that he's not going anywhere and is going to be here and do whatever he can for my healing.

It still feels awful some days though.

DDay Feb. 28, 2013
"It is an act of self-respect and preservation to not forgive."
He finally moved out only because I became on obstacle in his new affair.

Posts: 990 | Registered: Mar 2013
♀ 33457
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, June 27th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember when that really bothered me. It felt like my husband sprinted past me and I was stuck in the mud. I used to say it was because he tripped me and pushed me face down in the mud and it took me a while to get my footing.

Sometimes I still feel that way. I struggle more than he seems to at times. It's a marathon, not a sprint and it's not a competition. He had huge motivators to make leaps forward.

Sometimes I thought I'd never improve or see progress. Sometimes it sneaks up on you and you don't even notice. And sometimes right after the most painful times when I thought I just can't do this anymore, a breakthrough would come. Suddenly I could see a difference.

Your growth will come.

Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
Topic Posts: 6

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