Alright everyone, I could use some advice here.
HT and I work out almost daily at a small CrossFit box. The community is encouraging and because the box is small we all workout together on a pretty regular basis. The owners are people that HT works with and we have hung out with them socially as well.
That being said, there have been a couple of interactions that I have struggled with regarding boundaries. The first occasion was a gentleman that we work out with almost every day. We were passing each other doing a balance move and he grabbed my hand for balance and made some joke. Then he later came over and put his hand on my shoulder when he spoke to me. It made me uncomfortable but it was my birthday that day and I felt he was more or less being friendly because of that. On our way home, HT stated that he had poor boundaries. I acknowledged that and asked him how to handle any further situations. We discussed it and moved on. I haven't had any further issues with him.
The second issue is a bit more complicated. As I said earlier, one if the owners is a coworker of HT's. HT considers him a friend. This morning we were pairing up on the rowing machines and I was last to get over there. As I approached them, this guy says "it's you and me, babe!" Then fist bumps me. It made me uncomfortable but I didn't know what to do. I hop on the rower and start. After I said pretty loud to HT that I wished I was his partner. The guy says something about me not wanting to be his partner and I state that I want to be HT's partner because I love him.
We start heading home and I start talking about how I was struggling with a certain aspect of the workout. I am focused on that and my mood is down. We start eating breakfast and I notice HT's mood has changed too. He tells me about the interaction and when I tell him that I heard it, he becomes angry. And rightfully so, given that he should be the only one calling me "babe". He is upset that he called me that, he is upset that he then has to wonder why, he is upstart that anything I say afterwards sounds like gas lighting, and he upset that he even has to wonder in the first place.
See not once but twice now I have had these instances that have been uncomfortable yet I don't initiate a dialogue with HT about it. I just try to rug sweep it and pretend it didn't happen. Logically I get that this is poor coping skills. Logically I know that the end results are negative (making HT upset), and logically I get that him having to talk to me about first, anything I say afterwards loses impact and sincerity.
But for some reason, I sit there quietly hoping it will all just go away. I know that being proactive would help, but I seem to be having trouble lately. I can't understand why because I know better than that. And so my only logical conclusion is that maybe I am not as healed as I thought I was. And that scares the shit out if me.
I'm not sure if it's that I am regressing back to old coping mechanisms or if I just haven't been in situations that boundaries like that become an issue. I can't control what other people do. I may even be caught of guard and not know what to say in that moment. But I can't believe that I have had so much trouble initiating a conversation about this with HT.
I'm disappointed in myself. I need to figure this out and would love some advice from you all.
Thanks WOES