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Trigger filled week coming up

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isthismynewlife posted 6/26/2014 20:35 PM

Next week is going to be rough. Probably more so since I am already worrying about it now. I am just about 7 months out from DDay. We are working hard at R and WH is doing almost all he can. I am feeling much better than even last week. Next week on Wed my H has knee surgery (scoping, not another major one), Thursday is his birthday and Friday is 4th of July.

All 3 of these are big triggers for me. When I confronted my H with the texts I found on DDay, his first reaction was to give me a long list of everything about me that caused him to decide his A was acceptable. On this list were issues with me not understanding how his previous knee surgeries affected him as an athlete (recreational, AP was a former athlete and understood his pain), I didn't do enough for his 40th birthday (had just gone back to work after having a baby - a colicky one) and AP would have planned a huge party for him. 4th of July last year we invited AP's family to join our party (as we had previous years before they "fell in love") and I watched all night as my H followed her like a puppy dog, then convinced me I was just being jealous and stupid when I called him on it.
The anger is all building up inside me over all of this, along with the fear that somehow this will lead him back into contact with her (since she is our neighbor it wouldn't be hard). I truly don't believe he would contact her, I just hate having that nagging feeling about all of these things coming back to back to back might cause it.
I'm trying to just relax and enjoy the present which has actually been pretty good - we are communicating and getting used to this new version of us and doing it together. But once I registered what all is going on next week I can't seem to quit thinking about everything.
Guess I just needed to get all that out.

Hatemyhusband posted 6/26/2014 20:53 PM

I get it. Boy do I. H hooked up w our family friend for 2 years. Her entire extended family has attended Easter, fourth July, etc. Yup.

Well, I confronted and DD Dec 1st. Two yr plus A. I got thru triggery events. New Years was her house. Him following her. Eying her. Yup. February was our anniversary. Memorial Day we went to beach THEY went to

Advice? Change it up. Don't host party if u did last year. Go do somethg alone. Don't focus on having to do anything. Do what u want bc u are the one who was betrayed.

I did it. I won't let her infiltrate my head space if I can push her out and squash her.
Good luck

musiclovingmom posted 6/26/2014 21:19 PM

I'll be with you this week. Two years ago, this was the week that he was away and OW5 came to visit him. This was the week he trapsed around with her and her child while I was here, alone, taking our 9 month old son in for blood tests because he hadn't grown at all. It's been three years since my daughter had an emergency appendectomy at a tiny 27lbs (3 years old), and OW1 (unknown to me at the time as an OW), tried to stir things up between all of us (esp me and exH who she had decided she wanted to date while she was screwing my H, ugh). The bright side, it's not as devastating this year as it was last year. Big hugs to you as you travel this path.

isthismynewlife posted 6/27/2014 12:36 PM

Thank you both for your advice and support. Definitely trying to change things up and make some new memories. The added fun in trying to do this is my kids asking why AP's family doesn't celebrate/hang out with us anymore. Oh well - they will eventually get used to it!

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