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Newest Member: MrsB (61169)

User Topic: Share triggers or keep them to yourself
♀ 40078
Member # 40078
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When WS asks about your day, do you share the things that triggered you while you were apart? Why?

Sometimes I want to share, sometimes I don't. It's not anything WH hasn't heard before. I wonder if he gets sick of hearing the same old stuff.

Then I struggle with wondering why I want to share.
Are my motives right or do I just want to throw it in his face?
Do I want him to understand what my day was like or to feel sorry for me?
Will it be helpful towards R or not?

D-Day January 2013
prior EA in the 90's
me 50's WH 50's
NC-several, last broken NC 7/2013 (?)
Married 30+ years, 2 kids
Want to believe it's over, but is it really? Will I ever trust again?

Posts: 483 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
♀ 35593
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, June 26th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it is still bothering you, it should be bothering him. Communicating your triggers or your bad moments does not necessarily have to be adversarial or throwing it in his face. You did nothing wrong and he should not make you feel bad for having triggers or sad times. If you honestly share with him your inner feelings, his reactions are owned by him. If he asks you about your day, glossing over things and saying everything was all right when it was not, is not honest communication. Staying silent and putting on a happy face can breed resentment in you that may bubble up in inappropriate ways. If he asks, or even if he does not ask, truthful, honest, respectful sharing about triggers and painful moments helps you move forward. Keep that balanced with sharing good things going on in your life. I would hope your H would share if he had triggers and hurtful days with you. Are you receptive to him? Encourage each other in all things, good and bad.

Me 50's
WH 50's
Married 30+ years
2 young adult children
OW single 20 years younger
Together trying to R

Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose

Posts: 3428 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
Topic Posts: 2

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