This is all really new and raw for you.
It has only been six weeks of you knowing compared to their 4 year affair.
You do not have to decide anything today or tomorrow. Take it one day at a time and work on you.
You and your children are what matter right now.
It's understandable that you are hurt and confused. We have all been there. (((hugs)))
He is very committed to winning me back at this point
Is he? Or is he trying to manipulate you? If you WH wants to back in your life you have the power to define what that looks like. Flowers die. He needs to do some of the hard work of taking accountability and owning his choices.
1. NC with the OW. NC letter sent.
2. IC for himself to understand how he could have compartmentalized his life for so long. How he could lie, deceive and cheat. Yes, he needs to figure this out. It wasn't just for the excitement.
He doesn't want to go? Too bad! You didn't want to be married to a person that could have a four year affair.
If IC is one of your stipulations to even consider R then he needs to do it anyway. Make this a deal breaker because yes, he is in denial right now and he is rug sweeping. He doesn't want to own his behavior and that is never a good recipe for a successful R.
3. Facing your children and being remorseful for the pain he has caused their mother and them.
If he is not willing to do those things for you, I wouldn't even consider getting back with him ever.
Sounds as if he is pretty pompous right now. You can't trust him because he hasn't given you any reason to.
Tread lightly. He is a liar, a cheater and a manipulator. He is not acting remorseful.
Look up the difference between remorse and regret.
Head up to the Healing Library and read, read and read.
Stay strong and know we are here.
Good luck.
[This message edited by 1Faith at 3:36 PM, June 27th (Friday)]