It really is incredible to watch: We're all on our own path to inner peace. We're the only ones that can tell ourselves if we're feeling better or what we're even doing here. People were coming here long before I was. People were coming here while I was in bed with the OW, even. People will come here after I'm gone (or elsewhere seeking support).
When I got here, I didn't get it. I was still being defensive. I would post, expecting to get yelled at or get bad advice. I challenged those here to "do their worst" and braced myself. I did bad things and I was ready to be yelled and go on the defensive.
I'm going to go ahead and quote one of the responses I got (Thanks, tired girl):
"This wayward forum is an awesome tool, one that you can choose to pick up and use, or one that you can just choose to blow off and not ever really see the value of. Your choice. But if you are really going to ever get rid of your wayward thought processes, you need to start with putting down the defensive posture and start listening. No one here is out to get you. We have all walked the road that you are walking. We are here to help you."
Facing your inner demons is scary. Some people want a quick fix and only hear what they want to hear. Some embrace the challenging questions.
On my darkest days, in my darkest hour, just lurking in here was a comfort. There is a certain kind of peace watching the sea of tortured souls move in and out like the tides.
It's all about expectations. At first I spewed out my story expecting a solution to a problem. "Here's my story. Now, tell me what to do to fix everything." But it doesn't work that way.
You read, or you don't. You post, or you don't. Maybe you read something that makes you feel better. Maybe you read something that makes you feel worse. At the end of the day, what matters is how you feel inside.
It really makes me smile to see those that are selflessly donating their time to help. As new waywards stumble in here all panicky, legs shaking like bambi, yelling "What do I do? What do I do?", I can see all the old salts shaking their heads. The first thing you do is calm down. The next thing you do is read, and then read some more. Thankfully there have been some strong people here before me who've made some awesome articles and an awesome FAQ.
I've only been here 2 months and I'm already shaking my head. "Help me! What do I do?" Well, have you read any articles or older posts? No?
Well, go do that.
It totally reminds me of the simpsons when Ned Flanders' hippy parents take him to the psychologist and say "You gotta help us, Doc. We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!"
It may not seem like it, but life goes on, and we're all going to move forward with our lives, one way or another. Maybe we'll calm down, and read, and listen, and understand. Maybe we'll blow it off and go back to hurting ourselves and each other.
I, for one, am proud of the work being done here. I'm saddened that it took my own unfaithfulness to bring me here and if I can make any kind of difference now that I am, that only helps me to be a better person I think.