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inconnu (original poster member #24518) posted at 4:21 PM on Friday, June 27th, 2014
I work for a small company. There are less than 30 of us, all in the same office.
The higher ranking men don't seem to like me. (I'm the receptionist, btw). I don't really care that they don't like me, but I'm noticing a pattern. The VP at my last job didn't particularly care for me either.
So now I'm wondering why. Am I giving off some sort of attitude that I'm unaware of? Do I react towards men in authoritative positions in a way that is offputting?
I know I tend to see everyone as peers, and I don't do subservient. I am polite and respectful but I don't think having a fancy title makes anyone better than me.
Again, don't care if they like me and not trying to make them like me. Just looking inward and doing a little self examination.
Any thoughts or different perspectives would be appreciated. 
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
lieshurt ( member #14003) posted at 4:33 PM on Friday, June 27th, 2014
I have found that a lot of higher ranking men of a certain age (50+) automatically view women as subservient in the work place. No matter what our title is, we are the ones who are supposed to make the coffee, clean up after luncheons, organize employee functions, etc....If you don't conform, then you aren't "working well with others".
I don't know if that's the case in your group. It's just what I've experienced in mine.
No one changes unless they want to. Not if you beg them. Not if you shame them. Not if you use reason, emotion, or tough love. There is only one thing that makes someone change: their own realization that they need to.
inconnu (original poster member #24518) posted at 5:51 PM on Friday, June 27th, 2014
That's what I figured it was with last boss, but he's an idiot. I guess I didn't expect to encounter that attitude in this job. Not sure why I didn't think of it, it fits with everything else that is dysfunctional about this company.
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
Crescita ( member #32616) posted at 5:59 PM on Friday, June 27th, 2014
The higher ranking men don't seem to like me.
Anything in particular that is giving you this impression? Oftentimes when I think this I realize it's me who isn't particularly fond of the person in question and I'm just reflecting that back on them.
“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.” ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning
Sad in AZ ( member #24239) posted at 6:15 PM on Friday, June 27th, 2014
I know you to be a perfectly delightful human being, so I can't imagine it being your dysfunction causing this.
I fall into a pattern of starting jobs with great intentions and then wind up losing respect for my manager; I'm a control freak and have a hard time letting things that are wrong go. That's been a death knell for my career. I'm trying to be more proactive in my current position by working with my manager to try to improve what I see is wrong. I have to recognize, though, that I can't fix everything. I'm telling you this not because I think it's your problem, but maybe it will suggest a direction for your introspection.
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-63
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
ISPIFFD ( member #26367) posted at 7:43 PM on Friday, June 27th, 2014
Can you provide an example of an interaction that might've left you with this feeling?
I'm done here; sick of 2 x 4s
inconnu (original poster member #24518) posted at 1:34 AM on Monday, June 30th, 2014
Sorry I didn't get back to y'all sooner. I couldn't sneak any more time on my phone at work on Friday, and this was my "mom duty" weekend.
Okay, examples of why I think they don't like me -
I see all the officers every day, multiple times. I do a lot of the basic admin assistant type tasks for them, type letters, etc. I can rarely get a reply to my good morning. The president can hand me something of his I need to do, I say thank you, he walks away saying nothing.
One of the male VPs came up to my work area while another female coworker was there with me. The VP started a conversation and I assumed he was talking to both of us. But he acted like I was intruding on a personal conversation when I commented on something he said. And when it came time to show off the pictures of what he was talking about, he only showed them to the other person.
Those are only a couple of examples. But it happens regularly.
Like I said, I really don't care if they like me or not. I've already determined that this is not a job I should plan to be in long-term. And chances are, I'm really not going to change who I am or how I act towards men in authority. But I would like to be aware if I'm putting off some sort of defiant attitude or something.
There is no joy without gratitude. - Brené Brown
Cally60 ( member #23437) posted at 8:39 AM on Monday, June 30th, 2014
The examples you've given sound to me more like a "class" problem than one of personal dislike.
Some people hold their seniority very dear and labor under the misapprehension that it gives them the right to treat those on lower rungs as non-people. By doing this they are, of course, simply providing evidence of their stupidity and lack of true class.
In my opinion, power and seniority are rather like intelligence. Those who have the most don't usually feel the need to flaunt it. Those who do, tend to have considerably less than they think they do.
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