I haven't really been on here in a very long time. Things are going. I don't want to say well for fear of a jinx, but they are going. Individually I'm doing "remarkable" according to my IC. I have begun to volunteer, I have my resume out to look for work, I have become involved in our church, start a yoga class next week. Also been attending SAnon regularly and working on my steps.
Marriage wise is ok. Still some issues, but we are plugging along. We leave Sunday for a family trip. MC has stopped for now. My IC was our couples and WH IC is in the same office. After staffing our case out all therapist agreed MC wasn't useful right now. We needed to get the individual shit on line first. Scares me, but I agree. The couples session was just a "I'm doing this, what are you doing for the marriage?!" unending circle.
WH is doing ok I guess. His IC is a CSAT. I met with her once. He goes as regularly as he is able, but with his travel schedule for work he hasn't seen her in a couple of weeks. He was advised to do Sexaholics Anonymous, and went to one conference call meeting. But that was in April and he hasn't been to another. Says he doesn't think it's for him. Sigh. In Sanon I'm learning I can't focus on his recovery, only my own. Admittedly, that's hard.
I have bad days, like everyone. The moments sneak up on me and it sucks. I'm trying not to let everything be poisoned. Just today I was going through old FB pics. I looked at the date of a particularly cute pic of the kids. First day of school type thing. I immediately realized "that was when the cheating started. He wasn't there that day because he was on a trip." I immediately put down my iPad and started cleaning (we are having friends over tomorrow). Tried to desperately distract myself. It worked, but I'm still sad. I'm looking forward to the day when I can look at old memories and remember them for what they are, HAPPY. Not as a time line for the betrayal.
Just felt the pull to post on here. I stayed away for a bit because I felt I was spending too much time dwelling. But came back today. Hoping to pay it forward and offer support on some other threads.