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conflict with coworker leads to self observation

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Alyssamd24 posted 6/27/2014 16:27 PM

I had an issue with a coworker today which helped me realize a few things about the progress I have made...the coworker(let's call her X) and I went on a visit together yesterday to meet a new client. When it came time to decide who would take on the new client, X asked me if I would take it because she doesn't want to take any new clients right now. I said yes, made an appointment with the mother to meet today at 8:00, and brought the paperwork home with me last night to complete so it would be all set.

This morning at 7:30(while on my way to meet with the new client) X called me and said she changed her mind and wants the new client and asked if it was ok. I said it was fine and told her to call the mom to change the time of the meeting and told her I would bring her the paperwork...once I got to work I changed all the paperwork for her....So it would be all set.

Later on in the day X said to me that she decided to take the client cuz she decided I have too many clients...and that I didn't seem like I wanted them anyways.

I am annoyed by this for a few reasons...she is not my supervisor and the number of clients I have is none of her business. And I took the client in the first place because she didn't want to and I was trying to help her out...I didn't fight her when she asked to take him back cuz I didn't want to cause issues with her, and I know I can always get another client. (One of the things of my job is productivity...we have to have a certain amount of hours each week that we spend with clients and can bill for....meeting this each week is my own little.competition with myself)

X has also asked me in the past to take over some of her other client's....I see two of her clients each week and have a better relationship with them then she does.

I guess I am hurt cuz I have tried to be a good colleague and help her out (the visit we went on yesterday wasn't even mine to go on...she was supposed to go with someone else who was sick, and then my schedule opened up so I went with X to help her out so she wouldn't have to reschedule. And even when I try to help her it doesn't seem like it's enough.

So the good thing about this situation is I was initially hurt and angry at first and was ready to go off on her and vent...but rather than do that, I called my BH and vented to him and then calmed myself down before I the past I would have reacted and then thought about it.

I have also realized that I still have issues with external validation and am too much of a people pleaser....and I'm not sure yet how to find a healthy do I be a helpful considerate colleague, without letting people walk all over me?

Sorry for the rambling post...I just needed to vent a little!

Mrs Panda posted 6/27/2014 19:01 PM

Personally I think she took advantage of you, as it sound like you already had done some of the legwork?

In a productivity-based business, "Eat What You Kill" trumps consideration and good behavior sometimes.

I think it was GREAT that you didn't react or explode on her. If you decide later after emotion has passed and logic has weighed in, that she acted wrongly, you can always confront in a calm, effective way.

Little abt me. I know I know, it's not always abt me, LOL. I was very reactive. After DDay I picked out all the shit I didn't like abt myself. And started to change. I am still occasionally reactive. But I am 80% better!

I think you did good to cut her a little slack.... This time. But watch out for patterns of bad behavior from people. People will show you who they are if you give them long enough.

Alyssamd24 posted 6/27/2014 20:03 PM

I do agree that she took advantage of me...I am glad that I didnt confront her about it at the time but am going to do so on Monday. won't get me very far but I will try.

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