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I want to wipe it away

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Imabrokenman posted 6/27/2014 20:57 PM

Tonight is the 2nd night after she kicked me out. My sister talked to her tonight, and said she was not doing well. It breaks my heart to know that I caused all this. I caused the pain in her life. The woman that I love is hurting because of me.

I want to call her, to text her, to go over to the house right now. Try to make things better. But I know that will only make things worse. It will bring the pain rushing back to her tenfold. How could I possibly have done this to the woman I love so dearly?

Hopefully I will keep a level head and not contact her tonight. I hope I can stay strong.

Allornothing posted 6/27/2014 21:58 PM

I'm a BS, so I hope you don't mind me replying....

Please respect your wife's needs right now, she's hurting beyond what words can ever explain. If you really do love her, give her the space she has asked for. She needs to process what has happened; at the moment, you're a reminder (we call it a trigger) of what has shaken her world to it's core. She probably feels the need to run away from that right now.

Give her the time she needs, and use it well; work on you. Work on understanding what has led you to this point, work on setting new boundaries for yourself, and changing the behaviours that led you to an affair.

If you have started to do the work, and she decides she wants to talk, be open and honest, and tell her what steps you have taken to make you a safer partner.

My friend, it will take time, and lots of it, to get to a better place. I can't guarantee that your wife will want to reconcile, that's completely her call. However, doing the work is not only for her and your marriage, its for YOU.

Good luck, the posters here are awesome, they know what's what.

BrokenButTrying posted 6/28/2014 03:26 AM

I agree with AoN, give her space and time.
She is dealing with an awful lot right now, when she is ready to talk she will reach out.

In the mean time, start working on yourself. Put all of your energy into healing. IC, post here, become Amazon's best customer and buy books on infidelity, get reading. Heal.

It's hard not to cling on, desperately trying to fix the mess you created but it has to be her decision. You heal for you and hopefully in the future you will be given the opportunity to heal your M.

Imabrokenman posted 6/28/2014 07:26 AM

Thanks for your help. I was successful in not contacting her, although it kept me up all night.

Minor victory, I know, but baby steps, right?

I agree completely, I need to fix me first. I became a person I despise, and I need to find my moral center once again. I was a good person at one point; I need to become that person again.

Again, thanks for your help and support.

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